Adventures in Motherhood

location: Home

mood: anxious

Good news - we have moved to our new house in Natick.

Bad news - our new house is filled with boxes of stuff and we don't know where to put the stuff.

Moving day went pretty smoothly.  As soon as the movers arrived in Watertown, Caleb and I left to go to Marlborough where we would stay at Evan and Liz's (our cousins) house.  Liz would be out with the girls (their daughters aged 5 and 2.5) for most of the morning, but I planned on staying for most of the day until I knew the movers were about done in Natick.  On the way to Marlboro, we stopped at our house in Natick so that I could post some signs to help the movers know which room was which (e.g., 2nd bedroom).  This turned out to be a brilliant idea and made the unloading go very quickly.  Anyway, the time with Liz and the girls was lovely.  Liz was a bit under the weather, but the kids still had a good time and I was really glad to have time to spend with her.

The only rough spot of moving was between me and Aaron.  Our cell phones had terrible reception, and we both were trying to do other things while talking with each other.  So our communication sucked.  I wish I had a better way to say that - a more polite, less crude way - but that's just the way things were.  He and I are still trying to reconnect and smooth things over from the disconnectedness that came to a head on moving day.

Now that we are in our new house, all of us are adjusting.  Caleb has been sleeping beautifully, thank goodness, though he does wake up earlier than he used to.  I fully plan to purchase darker window shades for his room to see if that helps.  Tigger (yes, the cat) is handling the transition reasonably well.  He seems to be very lonely, but so far only one "accident" and I think it may have been triggered by the presence of our neighbors' cat.  Aaron has figured out how the commuter rail works, and he absolutely loves it.  I hope this lasts because I would hate for him to be unhappy with his commute.

My adjusting will take longer I think.  I'm so happy to be in our new home and yet I'm so overwhelmed by boxes and not feeling settled.  I keep telling myself to do a little bit each day but then I manage to talk myself out of doing anything without help.  *grr*  Anyone have thoughts on that?

Tags: move

Posted at 10:30 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

location: Home

mood: optimistic

I hesitate to suggest this, but I may be seeing a glimmer of light at the end of the moving tunnel.  Not a tunnel that is moving, but the tunnel representing our move to Natick.  Here are some of the signs of progress:

• My desk drawers are empty, except for the desk drawer knob which I should tape to the inside of the drawer. 
  
• I have minimal clutter on my desk.  I could throw it all in one box with no packing material in under 5 minutes, except for my clarinet.
• Aaron's desk drawers are basically empty (or so I think).  His desk now is home to several banker boxes and 3 freezer bags of wine corks.  Don't ask about the corks - it is a sore subject.
• My closet is empty except for what I might wear this week and 2 sweatshirts because I am unrealistically hopeful that this heat and humidity will break.
• Over half of Caleb's bajillion toys are packed either in his toy chest OR actually in sealed boxes.  He hasn't seemed to notice or mind when he sees my packing.
• Speaking of Caleb, most of his clothes are packed as well as sentimental stuff.
  

I even started packing the kitchen today!  There are more things packed than unpacked, and I almost feel like if the movers took away all of the boxes and furniture as things stand today, that I could deal with the rest with a few trips back and forth. 

Of course, there is still the issue of the basement.  We buy food in bulk and have two refrigerator/freezer units (1 upstairs and 1 in the basement).  Somehow we have to pack/move the large amount of food.  We have much "stuff" in the basement still to be packed besides the food.  Aaron suggested another date in the basement this week.  So sexy. ;)

I really hope my instinct that things are looking brighter is right.  Perhaps I will panic utterly on Wednesday, but I actually think there is a chance I might not.  Let's keep our fingers crossed and continue the packing.

Tags: life, move

Posted at 09:58 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 2 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

location: Home

mood: calm

I swear I do some of my best emotional processing in the shower.

This morning while Caleb was supposed to be napping (and he still should be, but seems to think singing is a better option), I took my morning shower with the lights off because it's just too darn hot and sticky.  While I was happily rinsing of sweat and sleep, a thought popped into my head about moving.  I say that it popped because it isn't as though I was actively and consciously thinking about moving.  If I was thinking about anything, I was thinking that I needed to be careful shaving. :)  Anyway, so this thought comes into my head:

I'm nervous about moving because we don't HAVE to move.  We're choosing to move.

This thought surprised me, so I let myself think about it some more.  Here's what I figured out.  I have convinced myself that every move until this move has been because we had to move.  We graduated college and had to move closer to our jobs (or in Aaron's case, to an airport).  After we both burned out of our first jobs and Aaron found better work, we had to move to Chicago to be near new jobs.  When Aaron burned out of travel, we had to leave Chicago so that he could take a job that wouldn't require traveling.  After living in a corporate apartment for one month, we had to move so that we wouldn't be burdened with paying $3,000 for rent.  And when we moved from our apartment 2 doors down the street, we weren't moving far and it was a financial improvement (home ownership vs. renting).

I haven't found a way to convince myself that our upcoming move is NECESSARY.  Desired?  Certainly on most days.  But necessary?  Not really, or at least not yet. 

I have a hard time making life-altering decisions based on a want rather than on a need.  And yes, moving 15 miles west of our current house is life-altering.  Not in the same way that moving from Chicago to Boston is life-altering, but my life will be different when we move to the Boston 'burbs.  Our closest friends do not live in the same town or even the next town over, so we likely will see them less often.  We will not be able to order from the same take-out restaurants, and we won't go to the same grocery stores.  We will take Caleb to different play places, and he will actually be able to play in a fenced-in yard.  Life will be different and not because it needs to be.  But because we are choosing to make it different.

Why are we choosing to make it different?  We are not unhappy in Watertown.  True, I do not like sharing a driveway with tenants, and I do not like living on a second floor (esp. in the summer).  And it is true that I would like to have a nicer garage and a yard that my kid could play in without my needing to keep him out of the street.  Yes, I want a second toilet/bathroom, and yes, I want more space/different floor plan.  These are not needs though.

I think I feel selfish for this move.  I feel like I'm doing it for superficial wants rather than a "good reason," and I feel like I'm going to have to pay some sort of price for it.  I suppose I fear losing connection with my friends most, and that I fear losing connection with them will be the price.  Maybe because I keep waiting for the bill to arrive - the emotional bill that I have to pay for this move - maybe that's why I keep worrying about not fitting in and not getting my work done.  I feel like something will have to give in order for me to be allowed to make this move.

I just heard myself think, "This is not rational."  And no, it isn't.  Feelings often are not, but at least I know another piece of this anxiety puzzle.  At least I have some clue about why this move is eating at me.

Tags: life, move

Posted at 09:52 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend