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May. 22nd, 2009

halloween2

Plants, Squirrels, and Colorful Language

Since my last post, my family has planted 10 pots of vegetables, 2 blueberry bushes and several strawberry plants.  Caleb and Aaron dutifully water our new additions daily, unless it rains a lot.  Every day we check the pots and the berry plants for signs of hope/growth.  We never have planted our own food before.

This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions as far as gardening goes. 

Day One - Pesky squirrels attacked the 1 of the 3 pepper plants.  After the squirrel attack, Aaron bought chicken wire without a plan for how to use it.  Caleb was SO excited to use chicken wire (who knew?).  When it was obvious to me that Aaron was not building a squirrel deterrent, I went to investigate.  He and I argued about the chicken wire, with my very mature concluding argument of "Just put up the magenta chicken wire already!" 

Magenta, you ask?  Yes, magenta.  Rather than say any number of expletives in front of Caleb who is a walking echo machine, I chose to use actual colorful language instead.  Caleb stopped in his bouncing tracks and backed me up, "Yeah Daddy!  Put up the damn chicken wire already!"

Our neighbor was pushing his daughter on our swing set at the time.  Charming.

Day Two - Sprouts!!  Yes, despite the squirrels' best efforts we have sprouts.  Some of the vegetables, like the aforementioned pepper plants, we planted from seedlings.  Some of the vegetables, like pole beans, we planted from seeds.  The pole beans and cucumbers sprouted!  We were thrilled. 

Aaron replanted pepper plants with newfound optimism.

Being silly humans, our vegetables remained vulnerable to squirrel attack due to the lack of deterrent.  I did yell at the squirrels during my picnic lunch with Caleb, but apparently squirrels could care less.

Day Three - Squirrel attack.  This time, the squirrels utterly destroyed 2 of the 3 pepper plants and left a delicate bite mark on the third otherwise healthy looking plant.  It was like they were sending us a message - "Protect your plants or we'll take them all."  The evil rodents (yes, they are rodents.  Wikipedia says so. *smirk*) also sampled my dear pole beans though I still have hope for them.

Aaron talked with our neighbor J who just tore down the squirrels' condo, also known as his front porch.  Aaron joked that he didn't appreciate that J's squirrels had eaten our vegetables.  J is a man of few words.  J's wise advice?  "Shoot 'em."

I yelled some more at the squirrels, in duplicate thanks to Caleb.

Aaron returned to Home Depot to find a possibly more effective solution.  We now have 10 pots of potential vegetables surrounded by plastic netting.  I don't trust this netting one bit.  I think the squirrels will burrow or squirm their way under the netting or perhaps gnaw their way through the plastic or the wire ties holding the netting together.  I'm telling myself that this is a learning experience, so let's look at lessons learned, shall we?

Lessons Learned from Backyard Garden:
  • Planting several pots of same vegetable is good insurance but also good advertising to the local riffraff.
  • Not putting up some kind of deterrent is naive at best, stupid in reality.
  • Speaking expletives in code does not fool the 3 year old, given enough context.
On that last point, any tips for expressing oneself fully without using a potty mouth?  Successful expletive codes?  Stories of how you taught your kids when/where to use "bad language?"



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Apr. 22nd, 2009

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And in other news...

No, I'm not pregnant.

I just haven't posted in a while.  I mean, it took me nearly a month to write about my own son's 3rd birthday.  I can only imagine what he will tell some therapist about me when he is an adult.  Or even when he is a teenager, for that matter.

As April nears its end, I realize we have survived another winter.  Not that winter is such a hardship in our modern times, but I have a sense of making it through all the same.  Caleb's birthday came at the beginning of spring, according to the calendar and moon cycles.  Ellie's birthday may give us hints of summer.  In between, we acknowledged Passover, enjoyed a family get-together in Montreal, and continued with our regular busy schedules.

Preschool had been weighing heavily on me for a while.  Caleb has been going to a preschool daycare since he was a toddler.  I was very happy with his toddler room experience, but his preschool experience has not thrilled me.  I suppose no harm, no foul BUT I would like to feel like I'm getting what I want for so much money.  We toured several preschools in the area; I fell in love with one that had a completely unrealistic schedule for us.  In the end, we signed Caleb up for the YMCA preschool.  We felt that it would be a better match for his need for activity, and it is definitely a much better price.  We decided to take Caleb out of preschool over the summer in order to make a really clean break and also to save money.  I don't work in the summer, so it doesn't make sense to spend money that isn't coming in.  I think our plan for the summer is to sign Caleb up for classes at the Y and figure out some regular activities like hiking in the woods and having a weekly playdate with one of his good friends. 
The Y classes filled up on the first day of registration, but our town pond offers swim lessons starting in June, so we'll try to sign up for those.  Just thinking about the different possibilities of activities makes me feel like summer is too short!

Another topic which seems to keep brewing in my mind is how to balance my teaching goals with raising my family.  When Ellie was still very little, I had an easier time working on teaching preparations while she slept.  As she approaches 1 year old, I find that it is next to impossible for me to shift gears mentally to teaching prep EVEN when she is napping (like right now!).  By the time both kids are in bed, when I usually can shift out of "mom mode," I'm exhausted and can't focus enough to get more than laundry or other chores done.  Maybe I should think of teaching prep as a chore?  Now that's a depressing thought!  

Anyway, I'd like to be able to organize some of my past curricula and plan my fall teaching over the summer.  I'm not sure how to structure my days so that I can carve out work time for myself.  Do I want to work a little each day?  Do I want to have one long day to get work done?  I just don't know.

Last but not least, I've started exercising at the Y.  I had to take a week off thanks to an unexpected bout of strep throat (mine and not the kids, go figure), but I'm going back tonight.  I usually just use the elliptical or stairmaster machines, and I'm surprised how much I enjoy it.  I plug in my iPod and basically get into the zone.  I've never been a fan of exercise for exercise's sake, so
I guess I really have been craving alone time if I enjoy exercise!  I don't have any concrete goal in mind with the exercise.  I'd like to be a bit smaller - say from a size 14 to a size 10 - but I don't have a specific weight loss goal or an item of clothing I want to be able to wear.

Now that I think about it, I guess my going to the Y is part of my recent shift to eating more whole foods and fewer processed foods.  I've been enjoying cooking much more than I used to - it feels like I'm creating something useful and powerful when I cook.  I'm not necessarily a great cook, but the food I make is tasty.  I read a few books about food - the very popular Michael Pollan books and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Kingsolver.  Those books made me reconsider what I put into my body and why.  I can't say that eating better quality food is doing anything for making myself smaller/thinner, but it does make me happier not to eat as much processed crap.  I feel more connected to the process of food when I'm eating something that I can understand.  As for the exercise connection, I feel like I'm giving my body a chance to do what it is meant to do - namely, move - when I go to the gym.  Sure, using exercise equipment isn't the most natural way of getting movement into my life, but it's a reasonable substitute for the otherwise largely sedentary lifestyle.  And maybe eating better food and getting exercise will set some kind of good example
for my kids.

There is one more thing on my mind, but that post will have to wait until later when I know I'm at liberty to write about it.  Sorry to leave all 3 of my regular readers hanging, but I'm sure you'll understand. :)


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Feb. 22nd, 2009

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Another Day in the Life

I feel like posting what a "normal" day looks like around here.  Of courses there is no real normal, but I just feel like trying to post normal anyway.

Most weeks our schedule is pretty fixed.  Mondays and Wednesdays are Caleb's days at preschool (8:30-4:30).  Tuesday mornings we go to an open gym at our town's family network.  Thursdays are unscheduled on purpose, and Aaron tends to be home on Thursdays.  Fridays also are unscheduled, but we tend to run errands on end up on a playdate just to get out and about.  Aaron volunteers at Habitat for Humanity on Saturdays, so I look for something to do like going to the Museum of Science or the Children's Museum if I feel like a longer drive.  I teach most Sundays, so then it's Aaron's turn to find something to do with the kids.  Where's Ellie in all this?  She comes along for the ride for the time being.

I do put some effort into balancing time away from home and time just to chill at home.  I try to think about whether the things we are doing away from home are fun and worth the effort/cost of getting out of the house.  I said I would write a normal day post, but today wasn't entirely normal.  

Today is Sunday, but I'm on February vacation, so there was no rushing out the door this morning to teach.  Instead I lounged in bed until the luxuriously late hour of 7:15.  Caleb already gave us a wake up call, used the toilet with typical dawdling ("Caleb, when you dawdle, you fall off the step stool" - a commonly heard utterance at 6:30am in our house), and argued against "daytime clothes."  Aaron brought Ellie to me for nursing.  Aaron took first shower, and I read to the kids.  This meant I played defense against Ellie's attemps at taking the book for a snack and against Caleb's rougher defense against Ellie.  Caleb just wanted to hear a story and snuggle.  Ellie wanted to have all the books to eat.  I guess board books are tastier than I would have thought.  Eventually Aaron was showered and dressed, and he took the kids downstairs for round one of breakfast.

Before my shower, I made Caleb's bed, organized his books so that they actually will stay on the shelf instead of crashing to the floor just because I walk in the room, and I made our bed.  Then I showered.  I could smell pancakes and turkey sausage as I stepped out of the shower.  Ahh... it's the little moments like those I treasure.  I did some more decluttering while getting dressed, and so my getting dressed took entirely too long.  By the time I made it downstairs, Caleb had eaten oatmeal, and Ellie had eaten Cheerios.  Both kids were ready for round 2 of breakfast.

The four of us ate breakfast, and Aaron and I tried to have a coherent conversation about the day's events.  By the end of breakfast, we managed to agree that Aaron and Caleb would go play during Ellie's morning nap, and I would straighten the house so that I could take nice pictures for potential house swappers.  After the nap, we would tour the local YMCA.  That was the extent of the coherent conversation.  Other conversation included reminding Caleb that he should use his fork when dipping pancakes into syrup or cranberry apple butter and that food is not a toy.  Caleb's end of the conversation was dominated by requests for more.  More what?  More.  Sometimes he specified more syrup or more "that."

Aaron and Caleb went out after breakfast and after I set Ellie down for the blessed morning nap.  I got to work.  I decluttered every room of the house that I could while I had the time to myself.  As I said, this was NOT a normal day.  A normal day means the house is a disaster zone, at least in several rooms.  I took the pictures for the house swappers.  The office remained cluttered and I waited until the end of nap to do Ellie's room.  I'm really pleased with the results.  Aaron was amazed.  Decluttering may have been the one productive thing I did all day.

When the boys returned and Ellie had nursed and been changed, we went to the YMCA for the tour.  What fabulous facilities!  Free childcare for up to 1.5 hours for members.  Newly renovated workout spaces and new equipment.  The whole place is bright and cheery.  We are joining tomorrow, and I need to find out if I can get Caleb into ANY swim class for this session.  This session of course starts tomorrow.  I have such a hard time with deadlines, and it bugs me because I used to be so punctual and on top of things like that.  One of many changes since having kids. 

The YMCA tour was not all rainbows and unicorns.  Caleb simply could not accept that we were not swimming right then and there.  He had a very hard time with "just looking."  Much whining but no meltdown on the tour.  When I managed to convince him to leave by being a rocket ship, he felt tricked when we got to the door and just lost it.  We got both kids safely to the car and listened to much crying and screaming on the thankfully short ride home.  At least only one kid was screaming.  Ellie was too busy trying to lose more socks.

Lunch time!  I quickly got the kids set up with lunch.  Ellie had broccoli, cucumbers and carrots.  Caleb requested fish sticks.  When I asked whether he wanted cucumbers or carrots, he screamed and eventually said he couldn't answer.  I don't know where this "I can't answer" stuff is coming from, but it sucks.  He has the wherewithal to say he can't answer but not the ability to answer with something more useful?  *shrug*  I put some cucumbers and carrots on his plate and figured he would reject both.  I added some pears because he will eat nothing but pears if I let him.

Nap time - BIG DEEP BREATH!  Amazingly, both kids went down with no major issues.  They slept for a shockingly long time (3+ hours!!).  Again, it was not a normal day.  I continued my straightening efforts with things on and around my desk.  I discovered that I completely forgot to send my mom a huge batch of photos that we picked out together.  They aren't even labeled or in the right order.  Ugh.  I packed up things to be mailed to my mamaw and to my friend [info]mandella0021 .  Maybe I will manage to stay organized enough to get those to the post office tomorrow before settling in to work on my calendar curriculum.

Near the end of nap time, I went out for an hour to have "noffee" with a friend.  Neither of us drink coffee, so we have non-coffee drinks at a nearby Starbucks every so often.  It has been way too long since we got together and we didn't have nearly enough time to chat.  I also was stuck in the world of kids.  Nothing to say about myself really.  *sigh*  Where did I go?  Good thing my friend has kids, but still.

I came home in time for the three-ring circus: dinner, bath, bed.  Aaron made turkey burgers, green beans, and cheesy mashed potatoes.  It was delicious.  I'll need to pay him back tomorrow with something yummy.  I'm thinking of thawing some chicken and coming up with something.  Maybe I'll make the chicken ricotta spinach pie thing... argh, would need to go shopping for the ricotta.  *shrug*  I'll figure something out.  Dinner with Caleb was more challenging than usual.  I think his snotty nose is getting in the way of eating.  I also think it's time to take him off of the juice diet since the nose isn't THAT snotty.  Too many juice calories means not enough other food.  Ellie ate like a champ: potatoes, green beans, and kept asking for more even when she was rubbing her eyes with the potatoes.  Her bath and bed was uneventful, and Aaron graciously took care of Caleb's bath.  I got to do the fun stuff with him - stories, snuggles, talk about his "morning day" as he calls it.  We review the whole day before he goes to sleep.  Sometimes it takes a freaking long time (like this post!), but it really seems to help him settle.

After kids' bedtime, Aaron and I enjoyed dessert downstairs.  No double entendre - just chocolaty goodness known as Cocoa Joel ice cream.  Every chocolate ice cream ingredient plus hydrox cookies.  Yum.  Even though we expunged high fructose corn syrup from the house, I still allow Cocoa Joel.  Locally homemade and oh so amazingly good.

And now I've come back up to the office.  I transferred pictures of the house from the camera to the computer.  I e-mailed those to Aaron to do with what he will.  I caught up on my e-mail, wrote this too long blog entry, and avoided getting the pictures for my mom in order.  I still haven't read up on Rosh HaShanah for my work tomorrow.  So at 10:12PM, I'm off to bed to read (I hope).  Maybe tomorrow I can post a "normal" day. :)

Feb. 10th, 2009

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Bullet update

OK, I've resolved to write a bit more regularly, so this is a quick bullet update before I crash into bed.
  • Today was a great day in mommyhood.  Got so much done and enjoyed my kids at the same time.  Thought it might not be possible only to prove myself wrong.  Hurrah!
  • Have started taking Caleb to "Open Gym" at our local family network once a week.  Gets us out of the house while I get to kibbitz with one of my new mom friends.
  • Made valentines with Caleb today.  He calls them clementines.  Cracks me up!  They turned out really good, if you consider that I don't do crafts.  Construction paper, white paint, dish sponge, chocolate covered peppermint stick.  My dear son wanted to give his friends candy canes for Valentine's Day.  The Christmas Tree Shop did not have candy canes.  These were the next best thing.  Here's a quick pic:

  • Ellie still isn't crawling.  I'm both frustrated/worried and relieved.  At this point Caleb was starting to pull up and make a move towards climbing; he had been crawling since 6 mos.  Ellie is 8 months old.  Will she ever crawl?  Does it matter?
  • I'm starting to cook more often and more from mostly scratch.  Tonight I made chicken fingers using panko (yum!!).  Since returning to omnivore eating, I've been slowly figuring out how to cook with chicken again.  I made a variation on shepherd's pie using chicken cut into nugget size pieces.  It was really yummy - spinach, carrots, onions, ricotta cheese.  Anyway, I'm trying to cook more often in an attempt to eat more healthfully and maybe even lose some weight.  So far no luck on weight loss, but I suspect my chocolate habit is the issue there.
  • In the world of non-mom work, I got completely overwhelmed and finally had to hire someone to come once a week so that I could have child-free time to get teaching prep done.  She starts next Wednesday.  I hope it works out.  I don't want to give up teaching.  It hurts to even think about doing that.
  • Oh, I nearly forgot - Ellie got her first tooth.  She is shy about it, so no pictures of that yet. :(  It's a bottom center tooth. 
  • Speaking of pictures, I updated our family website today.  Send me a comment if you want the link.
  • OK, it's way too late for me to be at the computer.  More blogging soon. :)
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Jan. 7th, 2009

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Happy New Year and Too Busy!

In case anyone actually reads this, I'm sorry to have been so sporadic in my writing. 

First, happy new year!  I hope you all enjoyed bringing in the new year.  We spent the evening with our neighbors, and it was delightful.  I then proceeded to be sick for the next 3-4 days. :(  5-6 pounds lighter, I feel much better now.

Next, I am SWAMPED and OVERWHELMED by my work right now.  I am supposed to be writing a curriculum to start teaching on Sunday, finishing my grading from the fall semester, calculating said grades, finishing grading for all the incompletes my students have accumulated (grr), and somewhere in there I'm supposed to be taking care of my kids and house.  Ack.  I told my neighbor we could hang out again in another 2 weeks, but I'm afraid I may have overcommitted.

Last, in addition to our relaxing and delightful new year's celebrating, we all traveled to Texas over Christmas to visit my parents.  We had a nice visit overall and took MANY pictures.  Feel free to check out the pics on our online album.

I'm hoping to be writing on here more regularly this year, but with all of the things on my plate, I'm not sure how it will go.  Stick around though, I might surprise you! :)

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Dec. 27th, 2008

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Things I Want to Remember After My Kids Grow Up

Every so often I find myself thinking "Please don't let me forget this when I get older/when my kids grow up and move out on their own."  Maybe that sounds sappy, but really it's more pragmatic than you might think.  Sure, I want to remember baby cuddles and toddler giggles and all the funny things that my son says and that my daughter hopefully/probably will say when they are very young.  But more often I think things like "If I'm ever blessed to be a grandmother, please don't let me forget how tired a mom with young kids is."  So in that spirit and maybe some of the sappy spirit too, here is a very INCOMPLETE list of things I don't want to forget.
  • Between 5:30pm and 8:00pm, the house can be a three-ring circus.  It's not a good time to call people with young children.  We generally don't answer the phone between 6 and 8, but the craziness starts a bit before 6.  We try to get Caleb fed, bathed, and to bed by 7:30ish.  Ellie crashes some time between 5:30 and 6:30 most nights.  Ellie goes to sleep easily, but she is a light sleeper.  SO Caleb's every shriek potentially can wake her.  Getting the kids to bed doesn't involve anything terribly difficult, but it's exhausting.
  • The weight of my children's bodies when they are babies, when they are toddlers, and as they grow up.  I would like to forget what the headbutting to my sternum feels like, but I love the feeling of their heads on me during a snuggle.
  • Food does not equal love.  Feeding grandchildren will not make them love me.  Feeding or offering food to grandchildren without asking the parents first may cause unnecessary tensions.  Check in with the parents before they come to visit to ask them what foods the kiddies like and what should be avoided.
  • At least some of the "isms" my kids come up with.  Last night Caleb was asking my father for some coins for a piggy bank.  He asked for a penny.  My dad didn't have a penny.  My dad said he had a nickel.  Caleb said "I have nipple!" and proceeded to lift his shirt to demonstrate. :)
  • Let kids play without telling them how to play.
  • I want to remember my parents playing with my kids and what it looked like to come downstairs to see everyone playing happily while my mom made breakfast.
  • Let me remember Caleb's toddler/preschool singing in the key of Caleb.
  • Let me also remember that toys with batteries, lights, and sounds can get REALLY annoying VERY quickly.
I'm sure there is more that I want to remember.  I just hope I haven't already forgotten.



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Dec. 5th, 2008

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My 15 seconds of fame

Just to make my fame more obvious:

http://www.thenewbornbaby.com/bonding-with-baby/babywearing/

Apparently the pictures I sent to this website's owner at her request were OK.  She asked me to write about why I wear my kids, which is where the previous post came from.  Anyway, instead of posting all the pictures too, I figured I would just post the link to her site.  Happy browsing!

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Why I Wear My Baby

When I was expecting with my son who will turn 3 in March, a friend bought me a ring sling as a gift.  I was so excited to have a way to keep him close to me and still be able to keep up with things around the house.  Everyone I knew told me how wearing my baby would help the baby feel calmer and how it would help my baby feel secure.  After he was born, I was in for a big shock.  My baby boy did not like being worn in the sling for even one minute.  In retrospect, I realize that I probably didn't have him in a comfortable position like the tummy-to-tummy position that I see so many people use today to wear their little ones.  At the time, I was sad not to have a way to carry my baby other than my arms.  I knew next to nothing about babywearing, but I knew I wanted to be able to wear my son.  My husband and I used a Babies R Us gift certificate to buy a Baby Bjorn.  My son didn't like the Bjorn any better than the sling until he could face out.  Not long after that point, he wanted no part of being held or carried because he figured out crawling.  The sling and the Bjorn made their way to storage, and thoughts of babywearing were replaced by thoughts of baby gates.

By the time my son turned 2, I was expecting our second child.  I was even more determined to wear this baby than I had been with my son.  After all, I needed to be able to play with my son after the baby was born.  Playing with my son means two hands, two legs, and an alertness that doesn't come easily to a sleep-deprived parent.  I made my way to a Boston Babywearers meeting while still expecting so that I could see what the options were besides the ring sling and the Bjorn.  I wanted something that would work for many months, maybe even until the baby was walking.  I watched the carrier demonstrations with fascination.  I knew there were a lot of options, but I didn't realize just how many.  I also had no idea that carriers were not nearly as complicated as I thought.  I was drawn to stretchy wraps because they looked so cuddly.  I was very intimidated by them, thinking that I was not nearly coordinated enough to figure them out.  I bought my first wrap, a Gypsy Mama stretchy wrap, a few weeks later.

I practiced wrapping with my son's larger stuffed animals.  I looked silly, but I think it worked.  At the end of May, I wrapped my daughter for the first time when she was 2 days old.  She loved it.  I could go just about anywhere with her in the wrap, and she was happy.  Other people would comment on how peaceful and quiet she was.  I just smiled.  I couldn't believe that I actually became a babywearer!  As the summer grew hotter, my wrap became less comfortable.  I then discovered gauze wraps and bought a Gypsy Mama gauze wrap from a friend.  That wrap got us through the hot and humid days in peace and comfort.  The time neared for me to return to part-time work, and I wanted my husband to get on board with babywearing so that he would have an easier time caring for both children when I was working.  I knew he wouldn't wrap, but I thought I could get him to wear a mei-tai because it looks more "mainstream."  I sent him pictures of a few mei-tai carriers a friend was selling.  He picked one to try and was sold after trying it at a party.  He proudly wears our daughter in a BabyHawk mei-tai when he takes our son to the playground.  My daughter just turned 6 months old this month.  About 2 or 3 months ago, I started looking for yet another carrier because it was not as comfortable to carry her in the stretchy or gauze wraps as it had been when she was smaller.  Another friend was selling a wrap she loved, the Earthy Rainbow Girasol woven wrap.  In order to justify my purchase, I sold the stretchy wrap and plan to sell the gauze wrap when the weather gets warmer again. 

Hardly a day goes by without wearing my daughter.  Wearing her makes life run so much more smoothly.  When she hits that slightly fussy time in the late afternoon, I can pop her into the wrap, and she settles long enough for me to get dinner started and sometimes finished.  When I need to get both kids to bed on my own, I can wear my daughter while giving my son a bath.  Shopping with two kids is easier than I thought it would be because I can buckle my son in a shopping cart and wear my daughter.  I have not bought a double stroller because I haven't needed one yet.  Wearing my daughter gives me more mobility than I would have if I didn't wear her.  The wrap acts as another layer of warmth on those cooler days too.  As she begins to express stranger anxiety, she can meet new people more easily because she is close to me and people don't try to take her out of a carrier.  She still can doze a bit in a wrap or the mei-tai if she is tired enough, though she does prefer to nap in a crib.

When people tell me they think babywearing is too complicated or that they aren't coordinated enough to figure it out, I laugh.  I'm not coordinated or graceful at all.  I learned how to wear my baby by asking questions and practicing.  I'm still not graceful about it, and yet I manage to do it.  I know that anyone can do this if I can.
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Dec. 1st, 2008

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Reflections on Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was tasty and overall enjoyable.  I only got choked up about Liz twice, and both times I felt were completely reasonable rather than out of nowhere.  I did manage to feel a sense of Liz's presence when I responded to her father-in-law's question about the chocolate cornucopia, and that was a particularly warm feeling.  I felt thankful to have a moment that reminded me of her in that way.

I really enjoyed watching the kids play, and I am certain that Liz would have been happy to see them playing too.  I didn't feel like I needed to watch over Caleb, and I actually felt like I had some adult conversation (a rarity these days).  

As for the getting choked up, the first time was when I was eating the absolutely fabulous sweet potatoes.  I exclaimed that the sweet potatoes were fantastic.  Evan's sister-in-law had made them, and I was a bit surprised because I don't think of her as a cook necessarily.  To be fair, I don't know her that well, so I'm not being judgmental here - I just think of her as a take-out kind of person.  Anyway, she said that she used Liz's recipe, and I nearly choked on my sweet potatoes.  Liz made the absolute best sweet potatoes on earth, and it was strange for me to think of someone else being able to reproduce them.  After my choking, I was able to thank the sister-in-law for making them and tell her that it meant a lot to me that she used Liz's recipe.  The second time I got choked up was my own fault.  I have been meaning to ask Evan's aunt for a copy of what she wrote for Liz's memorial.  I asked, and of course the aunt wanted to talk but not talk about it.  She was happy to send me a copy (I hope to receive it soon!), and we both got a bit teary-eyed and agreed to stop talking about it.  Then she thanked us for helping everyone through this.  I don't know what she means.  We've all plodded through "this" together, helping each other as we could.  I don't feel like we've done anything particularly special to help.  Aaron perhaps has, but me?  Not so much.  I've run away and avoided like the repressed scared individual that I suppose I am.

Anyway, we really did have a good time with the family.  I think we can build upon the tradition.  Liz would like that.

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Nov. 11th, 2008

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When I'm Bigger and Bigger...

Caleb's words to me after yesterday's nap:

"When I'm bigger and bigger and bigger and like THIS BIG (picture hands demonstrating largeness), I going to play football."
Me: "Really?  Who are you going to play football for?"
Caleb: Play football for COLTS!
Me (cringing slightly): Not the Pats?
Caleb: NO!!! COLTS!

Hmph.  Seems that maybe I should not have told Caleb that a colt is a kind of horse.  

On the other hand, he does share a birthday with current Colts QB Peyton Manning.  I guided him into a discussion of other things he could do when he was bigger such as being a plumber or a teacher or a doctor.  He liked the idea of being a plumber because "I like fixin' pipes!"  I will say that his pants do fit like a stereotypical plumber's pants. :)

He then continued to tell me that when he was bigger, he would need to wear "Daddy-size socks."  I asked him whether they made Caleb socks in "Daddy size," and he actually rolled his eyes at me as he said "yeeess..."

I may have to be careful about my own eye rolling, not to mention my apparently stupid questions.

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Nov. 4th, 2008

halloween2

A morning in the life of motherhood

This morning was an ordinary morning, but I wanted to share it with you and record it for my own benefit.  I suspect I may get selective amnesia as my kids grow up.  So here goes:

Sometime around 6am, Caleb the Boy Wonder climbed into our bed to greet me.  Aaron the Dear Husband was already shaving and showering.  Caleb sat on my hip (I was laying on my side, or should I write lying? I never could get that right).  He proceeded to bounce - hard.  I groggily suggested that he snuggle rather than bounce.  He chose to respond with one of his favorite words, "no!" and bounced a bit more.  I responded more firmly, "If you continue to bounce on me, I will throw you off the bed."  It was an idle threat since I would never actually throw my kids, but it did get him to stop bouncing and start snuggling.  After less than 1 minute of snuggling, I felt small fingers playing with my hair.  Sweet, right?  No, not when the small fingers decide to test whether said hair is attached.  At this point, I moved the Boy Wonder in front of me so I could keep an eye on him.  He turned off the radio and fiddled with things on Aaron's night table.  He rediscovered Aaron's small stuffed yak/buffalo/critter and joyously reunited with it.  Eventually Aaron got out of the shower and dressed.  He took on the task of getting Caleb changed for school.  I nursed and changed Ellie before getting in the shower.

While I took my shower, Aaron started Caleb's breakfast.  Aaron then left to go to a get out the vote "thing" in NH.  I realized after getting out of the shower that Aaron had left Caleb unbuckled.  That is, Caleb was not buckled in his booster seat.  No big deal, I thought, he has Cheerios, and I'm almost dressed.  I hollered down the stairs "Caleb, are you OK down there?" largely to let him know that I knew he was down there.  He responded, "Yes, I eating Cheerios."  Great, all is well.  I got dressed and picked Ellie up.  I repeated my check-in with Caleb.  This time he responded, "Um, yes.  I cleaning up."  Hmm?  Picture a cocked head and raised eyebrow.  Caleb likes to pretend to clean, but he sounded distracted.  "Honey, what are you cleaning up? Do you need my help cleaning?"  "Uh, no.  I cleaned up candles."  Hmm???  I went downstairs to investigate.  "Caleb, would you show me what you cleaned?"  He took me into the dining room and pointed to the hutch where I keep a variety of candles.  Nothing looked out of order, so I complimented his cleaning.

Then we went into the kitchen where I found an entire box of baby wipes emptied on the kitchen table.

"Caleb, where is the wipee box?"  He took me back into the dining room and showed me the box on the table.  I'm thinking, "Duh mom, of course the wipees are in the dining room.  That's where he put them."  I picked up the box to return it to its rightful place in the kitchen. 

The box rattled.  Upon opening the box, I discovered about 50 Cheerios and some ground pepper.  At this point, I noticed our pepper mill on the kitchen table (oops).  Fortunately I still had some wipees on the kitchen table which I used to clean up the pepper on the table.  I dumped the Cheerios into the trash. 

During my cleanup, I know I asked Caleb some conversational questions about why he put Cheerios in the wipes box and what he needed pepper for, and I'm sure I didn't get an answer that made sense to me.  The truth is, it doesn't really matter why Caleb decides to add some pepper to his Cheerios and why he thought the wipes box made a better Cheerios container than his cereal bowl.  I think what mattered more is that he used his imagination in a relatively non-destructive way and I didn't get mad upon discovering minor chaos in the house.

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Oct. 10th, 2008

halloween2

Kid Update

My friends and family keep asking me "How are you??" as though I have some sort of terminal illness.  Thank God, I am healthy.  I even seem to be losing a bit of weight very slowly.  I often answer how I am by talking about my kids, and some people tell me that I'm not really answering the question.  They have a point, but so much of how I'm doing is wrapped up in how the kids are doing.  It's awfully hard to have a good day if my kids are having bad days.  It's awfully hard to stay grumpy if my kids are cheerful.  Anyway, despite my very lengthy blog entry immediately before this one, I thought I would give a more detailed update on the kids before getting to those lingering thank you notes and photos that need uploading.

Caleb is transitioning to the preschool room at his daycare.  He seems to be adjusting well while at school and then letting out all of the cumulative stress at home.  In other words, we're back to having some rather unpleasant tantrums.  Last Sunday, he screamed for an hour before I needed to go teach.  He screamed about wanting the shower, not wanting the shower, wanting his bear, not wanting his bear, wanting clothes, not wanting clothes.  As far as we could tell, it had NOTHING to do with my imminent departure.  We're fairly certain he was overly hungry, but he wouldn't hear of food either.  We know this too shall pass.  Other than his tantrums, he really is a delight to get to know.  He has such definite ideas about how things should be and work.  He has decided that watching Curious George is no good anymore and he must watch Thomas the Tank Engine now.  He still loves fire trucks and will dress up as a firefighter for Halloween.  He has such passion (good and bad) for everything.

Ellie is quite the charmer.  She smiles and giggles at everyone, strangers and familiar faces alike.  She's still very much a mama's girl, but I can see her starting to test out the idea of being more independent.  She tries to roll and is almost there.  She sits assisted very nicely.  She likes being held so that she can stand on our legs.  She also loves to babble, almost incessantly at times.  She seems to be trying to warm up her vocal cords with many different pitches and vowel sounds.  She recently had her 4 month well visit with the doctor, and all was well there.  She has grown to nearly 26 inches tall/long and about 13.5 pounds - long and lean like Caleb.  We are starting to introduce oatmeal to her with mixed results.  She seems rather indifferent to it, which is fine with me.  She'll eat solid food when she is read
y.

As for me, I'm generally feeling pretty well.  Sure, life is more frantic than ever before.  My 2.5 year old son gives me a run for my money most days.  I'm lucky to keep up with him and once in a while I even get a step ahead of him. :)  My 4 month old daughter is easier going for now, but she too is showing her independence and needs more obviously than before.  At the library today, both kids screamed at the same time, and all I could do was take a deep breath.  Caleb melted down over perceived injustices at the train table, and Ellie melted down from the sudden appearance of her screaming brother as I removed him from the injustices he had caused.  The screamfest was followed by double diaper changes in the library bathroom, which of course meant Caleb had to use the toilet while I changed Ellie's dipe and then got impatient while waiting for me to finish.  Just a day in the life, you know?  I'm starting to be able to shrug off such craziness even though I want things to flow more smoothly and peacefully.  I have a much greater appreciation for the quiet times, like now or on my drives to teach.  Eventually, I think life will run a bit more smoothly, and maybe Aaron and I will get to go out again finally.  We've been talking about it, but we just can't seem to get our act together.  I think we're too busy trying to keep the regular everyday stuff working - laundry, meals, and so on.  Despite our frequent scrambling, we do get to enjoy the occasional moment of together time at home.  And we are definitely enjoying the crazy ride known as parenting.


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halloween2

Update on Us

It's been a busy few weeks for us here.  I think I'll organize the update chronologically

September 23 - September 28
I sold the first wrap (baby carrier) I ever bought.  It was a bittersweet feeling really.  I bought a new beautiful woven wrap and simply could not justify owning 3 wraps when I only use one.  I still need to sell the other wrap I don't use, but I probably won't find a buyer until spring since it's a thin gauze wrap.

I met with my primary care physician to deal with my anxiety/depression issues.  I feel much better already.

That weekend I went to a tag sale for parents of multiples.  Wow!  I am SO SO glad I went.  I spent $19 and got all sorts of fantastic stuff.  Gymboree pants for Ellie for $2.50!  The Rugged Bear winter coat for Caleb for $7!  Really great condition stuff and at such great prices.  I'm kicking myself for not buying the train table top for $5 now that Caleb has replaced Curious George obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine, but really I know we don't NEED that.

The same weekend of the amazing tag sale, Aaron and his friend Barry built a new exterior basement door.  The door which came with the house was rather makeshift and not airtight in the least.  The new door is nothing fancy, but at least it's airtight!  Yay boys!

September 29 - October 2
The last week of September brought Rosh HaShanah to us.  We already had decided not to attend services anywhere.  I still feel pangs of guilt about that, but I know we did the right thing as a family.  Caleb simply cannot sit through services.  Aaron and I agree that holidays are supposed to be a family thing.  We decided to celebrate the world's birthday with an apple picking outing.

Caleb LOVED climbing the ladder to get apples, and he was so psyched to find out we could make applesauce at home instead of buying it at the store.  And let me tell you, homemade applesauce is so freaking good!!  Seriously, it's not anymore expensive, and it's as easy as can be.  Boil about 9 sliced apples in a cup of water with a couple of tablespoons of sugar and a teaspoon of cinnamon (sugar and cinnamon are optional).  YUM!  I've always liked applesauce, but this homemade stuff should be illegal it was so good.

In addition to the amazing applesauce, we made apple crisp, apple bread/cake, and a version of the munchy oat bars by Annabel Karmel usings apples, raisins and pecans.  We have been eating very well. :)

October 3 - October 7
Ellie had her 4 month appointment.  She has grown (no surprise to us) - nearly 26 inches in length/height and about 13.6 pounds.  She received her shots and no Rotateq vaccine this time.  When she had the Rotateq last time, we lived in puke city for a week.  No thanks!  She didn't seem to have any bad side effects from the shots this time around.  Caleb came with us to have his lead test done.  Since we moved to a new house last year and the house dates back to the late 1800s and 1920s (two phases of house), we needed to have him checked again for lead.  All's well on that front.

October 8 - TODAY October 10
Yom Kippur.  Again I was troubled by my unwillingness to drag my kids to synagogue to observe something which would make no sense to them and bore the older one.  Aaron stayed home with the kids on Erev Yom Kippur (evening leading into YK) so that I could go to Kol Nidre with a friend.  On Yom Kippur day, we stayed close to home and tried to enjoy time together.  Aaron and I spent a lot of time reflecting on the past year while the kids napped.  We talked about the good and the bad and spent some time just being quiet together.  It was lovely.  We also talked about how we both wanted to create new traditions for our family for RH and YK.  We both want to be part of a Jewish community, but we're not sold on what is being offered.  We'll get there eventually.

Somewhere in all of those weeks, I had the "pleasure" of taking our cat Tigger to the emergency vet in the middle of the night.  He had blood in his urine.  We had the "pleasure" of giving him antibiotics.  Several weeks later with lots of additional fluids, and he seems fine.  Or at least back to his usual grumpy self.  We took him for follow up urine work this week, and the result came back perfect.  Go figure.  Maybe he just needed to give us a wake up call. :P

So I've certainly written enough in THIS entry.  I have more to write about the kids coming up next!



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Aug. 31st, 2008

whole fam

Catching Up...

So much has happened since my last post.  There's probably not a good way to get it all in.  So in no particular order...
  • Caleb continues to communicate better and better each day.  Downside: he now protests "school."  We think this is because he is bored and that all will get better in preschool.  If not, I guess we'll cross that bridge if we get there.
  • Ellie has become a spit-up baby.  *sigh*  It does not seem related to things I eat, which is good (sort of), but I'm getting pretty fed up with all the puke and with the increased fussiness.
  • FIL and mom-in-law (Aaron's stepmom) visited.  It was a lovely visit overall.  Caleb had some impressively tough moments, which led to an uncomfortable conversation between my in-laws and me.  Had I understood it from their intentions rather than misunderstanding their words, it would have been a much better conversation.  All is well from that unnecessary drama now.
  • Great-grandparents visited this past weekend, and that was unnecessarily stressful.  Aaron and I had arranged a plan.  The uncle who was functioning as driver and go-between decided to mix up the plan a bunch.  It was quite the mess.  Still, the great-grandparents were delighted to meet Ellie and to see how much Caleb has grown up.  I think the last time they saw Caleb he was about 18 months or so.  A lot of changes in about a year!
  • I am totally stressed about teaching preparations (and thus procrastinating here).  I can't even go into it since I think some of what I would write would be rather unprofessional.  The part I can share is that I have to finish writing one of my curricula by the end of this week and I'm only about 1/3 of the way through it, if I can be that generous.  My ability to write curricula has gone out the window thanks to very limited child-free/fuss-free time.  There are other stressors related to teaching, but hopefully those will go away in another 2 days.  If not, argh.
  • In less significant news, I no longer am a pescatarian/vegetarian.  That is, I have resumed eating poultry in addition to my fish consumption.  The short story is to read "In Defense of Food."  The longer story is that I decided the soy-based processed foods I was eating as a protein source were not really food in the truest sense of that word.  I've been enjoying my reunion with chicken immensely.
And now my curriculum awaits me.  Perhaps I'll be able to blog more regularly once I start the actual teaching...
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Aug. 11th, 2008

halloween2

Normalcy

We had dinner with some new friends this evening.  They have a son who is a few months younger than Caleb, let's call him M for the purposes of blogging.  I've spent some time with the mom (D) and her son, and I got to know the dad (S) a bit tonight.  I really like them.  I really hope we can become better friends.  It's nice to meet people that you might share something in common with and that you get along with.  That said, the evening has left me wondering whether Caleb is or will be normal and whether I will know if he is normal.  I'm not sure I'm normal, so that's why I don't know whether I will be able to tell if my kids are normal. 

My master's degree did teach me one thing - I need to come up with a working definition if I'm going to try to prove any point.  So how about a working definition of normalcy?  According to my Macbook dictionary, normalcy is "the usual, average, or typical state or expected."  Hmm... I don't know whether this will be terribly helpful, but I guess I can roll with it since I don't feel like looking up several definitions which vary only slightly from each other.

Does Caleb behave as expected?  Well, according to whom?  He is 2 years old (almost 29 months), but I don't know really what is expected of the average, usual 2 year old.  Yes, I've read up on the developmental milestones.  Caleb talks as well as most 2 year olds, maybe better since the pediatrician told us the milestone for a 2 year old is 2 and 3 word phrases.  Most 2 year olds can jump with 2 feet.  Caleb is in motion constantly, jumps beautifully (perhaps too beautifully).  What is Caleb supposed to be able to know?  Should he know any numbers yet?  He can count, and he knows how to bring me 2 books rather than any other amount when I ask for 2 books.  He can't identify a number in writing.  Is he supposed to be able to do that?  What about letters?  He can sing his ABCs, but he doesn't recognize the letters (not even C!) though others have told me that he identifies A and C. 

What else... well, he follows instructions when he's feeling cooperative, even offers to help unprompted.  He engages in pretend play, which I'm pretty sure is normal and good.  He has started to find monsters in his room at night, which I find amusing and am trying to teach him that monsters are friendly.  He has a hard time putting on his shoes or using silverware.  Should I worry?  I mean, really the kid prefers to stuff food in his face rather than emulate the adult behavior of using forks and spoons.

I could go on and on, but it's such minutiae, and I know I'm just driving myself nuts.  It's not like I ever really get an answer of "Yes, your kid is normal" from some definitive source.  I might, unfortunately, get an answer that my kid is not normal from a definitive source (i.e., what do they tell a sociopath's mom?).  Anyway, if there are some moms reading this, how do you know whether your kid is normal or not and what do you do with that information?


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Jul. 20th, 2008

whole fam

Almost 2 months...

Elisheva (Ellie) is almost 2 months old.  I'm still here to write about it - not that I'm entirely sure what I want to write or whether I can put together a coherent thought at the moment.

Over the past 2 months, my MIL visited no fewer than 4 times for a total of about 5 weeks.  *whew*  People ask me whether she was helpful, and I have a hard time answering.  Sometimes yes and sometimes no.  Wouldn't that be true for most of us though if we were staying with someone after the birth of a child?  She did help cook occasionally, and she offered to help with other things often, perhaps more often than necessary.  I often felt that either she or I were "under foot" as my mother would call it, but the laundry got done, food was made, kids were cared for.  Yes, there were certainly times when I wanted to scream - times when she would say or do/not do something that drove me batty.  Apparently there were times when she said things without my knowing about it until after the fact and I got to go batty then.  Whatever.  The visits are done for now, and I think we did the right thing by having her visit often while she was stateside.

Caleb has started throwing more intense tantrums again in the past 2 months.  I shouldn't be surprised, really.  I am thankful that the tantrums are not nearly as long as they used to be, but man does he sound like a raging beast/demon/something not quite human when he is mad!  I have not found good ways of diffusing these tantrums other than dumb luck.  Sometimes talking to him works.  Sometimes I need to leave him alone and let him scream louder.  *sigh*  I feel awful not knowing how to relate to him when he goes to that loud, mad, dark place.  I keep telling myself that this will pass, but I fear what life will be like when it does pass.  Will Caleb respect me?  I don't mean will he be obedient, but will he admire/like/love/want to be around me?  Will he fear me?  I sure hope not.  Will he know that I want to help him?  Will he think that I might able to help him?  I just don't know.  I hope that by letting him be angry, by giving him space when he seems to need it and comfort when he'll take it, that maybe this will work out all right.

In other news, Aaron has a back spasm.  He has been taking various pain medication for more than a week.  He thought he was better until he lifted Caleb a few times the other day.  This morning he was in pain again.  I've banned him from any lifting for the next week.  This truly sucks as far as getting things done around the house and having a co-parent/someone else to schlep Caleb when I can't get to him, but I want my husband back!

Me?  Right.  I've written about Caleb, about Aaron, and even mentioned Ellie briefly.  She, by the way, is doing great.  Growing much more quickly than I expect, remaining mellow and peaceful.  She really is a delight to add to our family.  Caleb keeps things interesting, and Ellie so far is just sweet.  It's a very nice balance.  Oh yeah, so how am I?  *shrug*  I've realized that I have a hard time answering that question because I end up answering what everyone else in my household is doing.  I'm happy to report that I'm employed again this fall, teaching at Prozdor (www.prozdor.org).  It will be my third year teaching, and I'll be teaching some familiar things and some new things.  I think it's good that I'm teaching some new things, but I am quite a bit nervous about getting it all prepped in time.  I mean, it's already the end of July!  School starts in September, so I have about a month and a half, which sounds like a ton of time and in fact is not much time at all.  Nevertheless, I'm excited about continuing my teaching. 

I'm still struggling with the idea that I'm basically a stay-at-home-mom.  I know I'm doing the right thing with my life, and yet I often wonder or think I should be doing something else.  I don't think I'm necessarily that great a mom - often I think I'm pretty lousy at this mom thing - so I wonder whether I wouldn't be doing my kids a favor to be doing something else and let someone better qualified take care of them.  Of course, the thought of anyone else taking care of my kids more often than already happens gives me knots in my stomach, and then I resolve that I'm doing the right thing.  See how I've already come full circle in this short paragraph? ;)  Seriously though, it's not like I get recognition from any outside "authority" that I do a good job, and my own kids sure as heck aren't going to be thanking me anytime soon for being with them, so it's tough for me to accept that what I'm doing IS valuable.  Besides, it's not like noses and elbows (Caleb's preferred acts of affection) will fill my gas tank or pay the mortgage. ;)

In any case, I feel good most days even with the existential wonderings.  I mostly enjoy the time I spend with my kids, and I always enjoy time I spend with my husband, and I feel like things are right with the world when we're all together.  So tantrums and ramblings aside, things are good.
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Jun. 3rd, 2008

halloween2

Introducing Elisheva Noa Stevens

After 15 hours of labor and 15 minutes of pushing, I am proud to announce the arrival of Elisheva Noa Stevens.  She was born at 5:28pm on May 24, 2008 at the Mt. Auburn Hospital in Cambridge, MA.  She is exactly 2 years and 2 months younger than her big brother Caleb, and she measured in with strikingly similar stats.  She weighed 7lbs, 15 oz and was 21" long/tall with a 34cm head circumference.  Caleb had identical measurements except that he weighed 1 pound more (8lb, 15oz).  Easy to remember, no? :)

My birth experience was really amazing.  I don't think I have adequate words for it, but I'll try to provide the details as best as I can while I still can remember them.

Labor started around 1-1:30am with contractions that were about 7-9 minutes apart.  By 3-4am, the contractions were more like 5-6 minutes apart.  We called Dr. H around 3:30 and decided to stay home for a bit more.  We both had the clarity of mind to shower before going to the hospital.  We left for the hospital by about 5am.

The hospital was PACKED.  So packed that we had to wait for an exam room and then wait again for a labor room.  The upside to this waiting is that I was able to continue moving through what I figured was early labor.  When I finally was brought into the exam room, the nurse asked me to lay down on the table, and I had to refuse.  It just wasn't comfortable to be laying down.  It was barely comfortable to sit at that point, but I was willing to try that so they could get a read on the baby.  I was already 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced, and the baby was somewhere around -2 station.  I cannot tell you how happy I was to hear this.  Prior to arriving at the hospital, my labor had been fairly manageable with just careful breathing and a shower.  Once I had to wait around at the hospital and thanks to the drive into the hospital, I was having a hard time with preserving my energy and feeling comfortable/relaxed.  I kept wanting to have my own space to labor while waiting for the exam and then for the labor room.  I suppose that was one of the very few negative things about the whole experience, but I don't think I have really thought anything bad about my birthing experience until now.

So here I was at the hospital, farther in labor than I had been with Caleb and exhausted.   I had decided before going into labor that I wanted to delay taking any sort of pain medications/epidural until I progressed beyond where I had gotten in labor with Caleb.   I talked with my doctor about the risks of taking an epidural.  My fear was that taking an epidural would inevitably lead to a slower labor and then to a c-section.  She assured me that I was far enough along that the epidural would not have that effect though she said it was certainly possible that the labor would be a bit longer since I would be confined to a bed.  My reason for considering the epidural came down to one of energy.  I had slept for 2 hours before my contractions woke me up.  I felt exhausted by the time I had to deal with the initial exam.  Aaron told me that he thought it was interesting that my reason for wanting the epidural as I had stated it in that moment was not about pain but about exhaustion.  I think I said something about thinking I would not be able to get through transition on my own.  Who knows whether that really would have turned out to be true, but I certainly don't regret my decision to have an epidural.

The epidural was not as strong as I remember from the one I had with Caleb.  I actually still could feel some contractions and could move my legs a bit.  As the baby continued to descend, I could feel more pressure than I expected to feel with an epidural.  My doctor explained that this is just the way things work - that at some point the epidural will only reduce pain/pressure and not eliminate it.  She reminded me that this is a good thing since I would know when to push.  Pushing - right, so I needed to figure out how that worked.  I realized as I waited for what seemed like forever between 8 and 10 cm that I was terrified of pushing.  I didn't think I would know how to do it right, and I thought I would break myself trying.  I realize that may sound really silly to those of you who have pushed out more than one kid, but it's really how I felt.  As I got closer to 10 cm, I explained this to my doctor and to the labor nurse.  They both were so reassuring, telling me that this is what our bodies are meant to do, that they would guide me through it and knew I would do it.  Eventually they told me that I had to decide when I was ready to push and they left me with Aaron to prepare myself for it.  They both were sort of spiritual about it - well, maybe spiritual isn't the right word.  They both approached the pushing phase as something that needed mental and emotional preparation and readiness.  So I spent several minutes psyching myself up and convincing myself that I could do this.  I even tried a few practice pushes to see whether it felt better or worse to push during a contraction.  At some point, it actually felt OK to bear down during a contraction.  So I spent a few more minutes persuading myself that I could do this and then told the doc, the nurse, and Aaron that it was time.

Aaron's job was to hold my left leg since I had no control over it.  Well, he did more than hold my leg - he truly was awesome as a support person and partner.  I get very choked up when I remember back to the delivery room and seeing him after Baby Girl was born.  My doctor and the labor nurse traded turns with my right leg and checking on the baby's descent.  My doctor was amazing - kept everything stretchy and had such a strong presence of calm and composure, even when I ended up grabbing her during one of my later pushes (oops - note to future moms: do NOT grab your labor support people while pushing!).  As my baby's head came out, I panicked and thought I was breaking in half, but the doctor and nurse kept telling me that I was a star and that I was doing exactly what I needed to do.  I remember hearing them tell me when the head was coming out and announcing different body parts that were coming.  I remember not believing them entirely.  Part of me figured they were telling me this so that I would keep going, and I figured I had a long way to go because they had told me that pushing probably would take 2 hours.

15 minutes of pushing later and I had my baby daughter on my chest.

So 15 hours of labor, 15 minutes of pushing, 1 successful VBAC.

I consider us extremely blessed after all of this.  I have conceived, carried, and birthed two apparently healthy children.  I recognize that not everyone who wants children can have them, for whatever reasons, and I know that not every pregnancy goes smoothly.  I don't know how best to thank whatever power enabled me to have such blessings in my life, but thank you.

On a lighter note, here are a few pictures to share.

Within an hour after birth - maybe 30 minutes or so?



At the risk of showing a bit too much on the internet, here we are just after the birth



And here's the proud papa - isn't he cute?


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Jan. 29th, 2008

halloween2

Beginning to Process Perhaps

When I was pregnant with Caleb, I had all sorts of strange vivid dreams.  Some of these dreams were extremely uncomfortable for me, but I managed to work through them or ignore them.  With this pregnancy, I again have had some strange vivid dreams.  Many of those dreams have been emotionally painful.  I've dreamt about bad things happening with my pregnancy or with giving birth quite a few times.  I'm not sure why since I don't feel particularly anxious about labor and delivery.  Sure, I'd like to avoid a second c-section, but I sort of feel like I did this before and will be able to do this again.  I also feel like I'm in good hands with my OB, so most of my labor and delivery worries revolve around what to do with BW Caleb when the big moment (hopefully) arrives.

That all said, I had my first dream that I can remember about Caleb a few nights ago.  The dream really wasn't about him.  He just happened to be in it.  Nevertheless, I can't remember seeing him in my dreams before.  I wonder if he wasn't real enough to be in my dreams before?  Ack - that makes me feel pretty lousy.  Maybe I just don't remember dreams with him before.  I do know that I would wake up when he was very young and think that he was still in bed with me or that I had smothered him or some equally crazy thing.  Anyway, so I had my first dream where I could see Caleb.  The odd thing about this dream was that I'm pretty sure that my brain is finally starting to process Liz's death.

I dreamt that Caleb and his cousins were taking a nap together in a bedroom while Aaron, Evan, Liz, and I were hanging out.  Evan and Aaron were working on dinner, and I had just come from the kids' room.  Liz was in the family/living room, watching tv I think.  Evan passed by me, and I suggested that we should all play cards while we had the chance.  Having the chance really has two meanings here, I think.  In the dream, the kids were sleeping, so it would have been a great time to play cards.  AND having the chance also meant while Liz was still with us.  Evan's response to me was something about how Liz really zonked out by 7:30, so we wouldn't be able to play really.  I was sad about this, but I nodded in understanding.  After this short exchange, Caleb came walking out of the bedroom. 

I think I'm trying to work through my feeling that I didn't have enough time (who does, really?) and that I didn't make good use of my time with Liz.  When I woke up form the dream, I was pretty upset.  I still get choked up thinking about it, but I'm strangely glad I had the dream.  I sort of think it shows I'm making progress, even if it's slow. 
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Jan. 28th, 2008

halloween2

Dear Husband's Summary of BW's talking

So my dear husband Aaron wrote to his cousin who is expecting her first child in about 3 weeks.  She asked how Caleb was doing.  Part of his response was the following:

He's saying all kinds of stuff, starting to make 2 word sentences, saying things we
don't remember teaching him, and often expressing what he wants (e.g.,
"May I have some graham crackers, please" -- which comes out like
"some" "caka" "peas") unless he's frustrated and then we just want to
duct tape his mouth shut.

Now I don't know if it's my hormones or just that I can hear my kid's voice in my head, but I am still giggling on this one.
Tags:

Dec. 30th, 2007

halloween2

My Funny Kid


Most parents have those funny kid stories.  You know the ones - "you're never gonna guess what Little Joey/Susie did/said today...", followed by a cute anecdote that I'm sure was funnier when the parent was there.  I usually don't have many of those stories.  I think it's because I'm too tired or because I realize that other people aren't going to see the same kind of funniness (did I spell that right?) in the story as I do.  Nevertheless, I wanted to share a few funny stories because I'm a mom and that's one of the many things moms do.

Are We There Yet?
This past week we all went to Dallas, Texas to visit with my parents.  The flight from Boston to Dallas is about 4.5 hours.  It's a long flight even if you're traveling without a toddler.  I do think that airlines have removed just about any comfort from their planes - the seats are closer together; the cushioning in the seats is thinner; only drink service is provided for free (but you can spend $3 on a candy bar! grr...) - all in the name of cost savings.  Anyway, our Boy Wonder Caleb is a pretty good traveler.  He doesn't like waiting in lines at the airport, but he so far has been reasonably well-behaved on airplanes.  I am certain I have now jinxed any future flights.

ANYWAY, the flight to Dallas is wicked long.  I get bored after 3 hours in the airplane, which is why I tend to sleep on planes even in the middle of the day.  Sleep seems to make things go more quickly.  BWC does not seem to share this philosophy.  About 1 hour into the flight, I hear from the seat next to me, "Ah dahn."  BWC has declared our flight over.  I explain that we have a long flight and that the flight is not all done.  2 minutes later - "Ah dahn."  I tell him that we are not in Texas yet and that we don't want to land in upstate NY or PA or wherever our plane is.  In response, BWC again states "Ah dahn," this time with more certainty, as though I didn't understand him the first 2 times.  I decide to employ my favorite parenting strategy - sarcasm.  "Yes, Caleb, you and 200 other people."  The declarations take a hiatus for another hour or so.  I think this is Caleb's way of asking "Are we there yet" because he repeated himself on the flight home - before takeoff.

Cookie, Cookie, Cookie
Prior to the visit at the grandparents, Aaron and I weren't sure that BWC understood the difference between yes and no.  Well, we knew he understood when we would say no (tantrums verified that!), but he seemed to use the words interchangeably when we would ask him questions.  We would ask him if he wanted Cheerios, he would say no and then whine when we put the box away.  We would tell him, "Oh yes, you do want Cheerios" and pour him a bowl.  We had the following conversation many times after feeling frustrated at his no meaning yes.

Parent: Caleb, can you say yes?
Caleb: no... (with upward inflection)

Apparently, BWC has figured out the difference between yes and no.  Here is the evidence.

When you visit grandparents, the grandparents will be much more generous and laid back than they ever were with you when you were a kid.  It's their job to spoil your child.  My parents are pretty reasonable in their degree of spoiling.  My mother has saved every Happy Meal toy from my childhood, every stuffed animal, every tradeshow gadget that she deemed somewhat safe - all for future grandchildren.  My mother also is the queen of kitsch and so has many noise making, motion sensitive holiday things to "stimulate" my active child.  And last but not least, she will buy extra junk food because she seems to think that my DH Aaron and I want this.  Personally, I think she is looking for an excuse to buy sugary stuff, but we all are guilty of eating too many cookies and snacks while at my parents' house.

Like any typical grandmother, my mom gave Caleb a cookie.  Caleb was delighted.  She then asked him to take a cookie to me.  I looked at her as though she had sprouted a third arm and second head.  When I asked her why she was giving Caleb a second cookie, she said she was asking him to bring it to me.  I explained that I would not get a cookie this way, and she disagreed by claiming that Caleb was a good helper.  I still snort when I think about this.  As expected, Caleb considered which cookie to eat next.  Of course, the cookie with a bite was not as good, so he nearly tried to eat what should have been my cookie.  I decided to play on his supposed helpfulness.

Me: Caleb, would you bring me a cookie?
Caleb: No.
Me: Caleb, Grandma asked you to bring me that cookie.  Please bring me the cookie.
Caleb (more adamantly): No!
Me: Caleb, that's not nice.  Bring me the cookie.
Caleb (turning away from me): NOoooo!

My DH Aaron basically repeated the conversation, as did my mom.  My father looked on and laughed.  I decided the upside of the situation was that we now know that he understands yes and no.

Yummy
Caleb also understands the meaning of yum and sometimes will declare "Yum!" when eating something tasty.  While in Texas, he often said yum to new foods my mom had made "especially for him."  I would reinforce this realization by letting him know when other foods were yummy so that he would try a bite of something new or perhaps less appealing to the discriminating toddler palate.

When we returned home, Caleb was ecstatic to see familiar surroundings.  He ignored eating for most of the first full day we were home.  By dinner, I figured he was hungry, so I set out to find something that would grab his attention.  I knew that macaroni and cheese would be a sure winner, but I wanted to find something reasonably healthy too.  Since he had loved refried beans in Texas, I decided black beans might work.

I served up the macaroni on one part of his plate and the beans in another part of the same plate.  As expected, the macaroni was huge hit (especially since DH added a 4-cheese blend to the cheese powder).  I encouraged BWC to try a bite of a bean.

"No."

When I served seconds of the mac n cheese, I mixed the beans with the mac.  I figured he might not eat all the beans, but he surely would get a few.  A few is good enough in my book.  Instead, he became quite adept at shape sorting.  Macaroni into the mouth, beans to the side of the plate.  OK, he might have eaten 1-3 beans total.  So I tried to encourage him to eat a bean.

Me: Did you try a bean?
Caleb: No!
Me: May I have a bean?
Caleb: Yup.
So I eat a bean.  It's a good enough bean, even without anything on it.
Caleb (after watching this, looks right at me): Yum!

Apparently, reverse psychology works in both directions.

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