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Temperamental Differences
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contentToday I had the pleasure of seeing temperament differences and realizing that there really are pros and cons to all types. Before I share my observation, I need to share yet a bit more background, but this is about another boy on our street. Our neighbors have a boy who is about 4-6 months older than Caleb. From the time we met last summer, I knew that our boys were not of the same mold. When I visited this boy's mom last summer with Caleb, Caleb immediately pushed all sorts of buttons in her house and explored everything he possibly could. He figured out how to open their XBox, and the mom was shocked (not in a bad way). Apparently her son never showed interest in remotes, phones or the video game console. When her son goes outside to play, he waits for her to follow or guide him. He holds her hand without prompting and has done this since last summer when he was under 2 years old. The only time I have heard a loud sound from her son is when he has fallen or when he now very rarely throws a fairly small fit. I often catch myself wondering what I did "wrong" when I see how gentle and easy-going her son seems to be. His mom has her own complaints about her kid, just like any mom does I guess. She complains that he won't feed himself or that he pouts (I would take pouting over deafening shrieks just about any day of the week). She complains that he is shy and overly dramatic when sad. You want drama? Come have dinner with us. ;)
So today most of our neighbors went to a christening for one of the neighbor's daughter. I had prepped Caleb by telling him that he could tell Aaron if he needed to walk/run around. We had the requisite snacks. We sat near one of Caleb's favorite neighbors, an 11 year old boy. I knew in advance Caleb would not make it through the service, and Aaron and I had agreed that Aaron would take him outside of the sanctuary as needed. Well, the church had free babysitting! This is a novelty to me and Aaron since we haven't seen much of that in synagogues. Caleb enjoyed the preliminary stuff for the service - candles, organ, people watching, eating animal crackers. Eventually though, one of the rectors started talking and Caleb had to give a play-by-play in a voice you probably could hear 50 miles away. He wasn't upset, just loud. I encouraged him to talk more quietly, and he did for a bit. Then he asked to go upstairs - NICELY! So Aaron took him away. Caleb had spent maybe 15-20 minutes in the sanctuary. Meanwhile, I looked across the aisle at my neighbors with their son and 3 month old daughter. The 3 month old was sleeping, and the 2 year was sitting between his parents. Occasionally I saw the 2 year old get down from the pew and back into the pew. Occasionally I saw him make a request for something - I could tell because one of his parents would hand him something and he would resume sitting quietly with the new thing.
At some point, Aaron returned to the sanctuary - without Caleb. After a brief moment of panic, Aaron explained that Caleb was in a playroom with a few other under 3 year olds and 2 women assigned to watch and interact with them. OK. Later in the service, there was a brief time to meet and greet (some sort of welcoming thing that I've seen in different churches). Our neighbors came across the aisle, and we chatted for a bit. The mom asked me where Caleb had gone, and I told her that Aaron had taken him to the babysitting. Her eyes bulged out of her head, and she told me that her son refused to go there even though he had been there before. She said he was scared and that he was driving her nuts. I empathized about his not wanting to go, said hi to the kid, and asked the mom what was difficult that morning. She told me how he was just climbing all over them and the pews and how he kept pestering them with questions and wouldn't keep quiet. I mentioned that I had not heard a peep from him and that I doubted he was disturbing anyone else. She said that she wished he would go to the babysitting like Caleb did. I suggested she mention that Caleb was there since I know they like to play together. She told me she had and it was still a no-go. I was floored.
I whispered to Aaron as we sat back down that their son refused to go to babysitting, and Aaron bust out laughing (for which he received nasty glances and shushes from me). We would have been glad for Caleb to sit with us and ask pestering but quiet questions about the church and the service. We would have been delighted if his activity was confined to climbing up and down in one spot on the pew. Instead, we felt as though we had cast our child out of the main event, only to discover that someone else would have been happy to send out their child. My guilt about sending Caleb to babysitting pretty much vanished at that point, and it completely vanished after the service when I saw that he had been having a great time. Maybe when he is yet a bit older, he will sit through longer parts of a service or a dinner. I was able to be proud of Caleb today because he had identified when he needed to leave the sanctuary without throwing a fit. We were able to reconnect and enjoy some of the light lunch after the service together, although Aaron spent much of the lunch following him around while the other mom spoon-fed her son some soup. She confided in me that she didn't want to "have to spoon feed him but that he wouldn't eat otherwise." Without thinking, I told her he would eat when he was hungry. She went into all the problems with how much and how he fed himself (not enough variety, too much mess, etc.). I smiled and said that Caleb wouldn't let me feed him, not even messy things like yogurt.
I know there will be days when I wish my son were more like my neighbor's son or just different from who he is. I hope I can remember today so that I can remember that there really are pros and cons to all sorts of kids.
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