Adventures in Motherhood

Summer Has Arrived - I think

2009-06-07T19:48:04Z

Just a quick post to say that I'm finally done with my academic year responsibilities! With the summer ahead of me, I feel overwhelmed at the notion of "free time" and also like I don't actually have free time. Maybe to start things off, I'll document the "wish list" of things I want to do or accomplish this summer.

In no particular order:

Reorganize my teaching files so that I don't have such a digital mess come Fall. I've set aside 1 day each week to work on this task.
Prep my new course for the Fall. I will do this on the same day I'm supposed to be organizing.
Declutter the house. Kind of a vague task, but mainly I want to go through my closet and maybe even those boxes of sentimental things to see whether I really need to keep things. I probably should reevaluate the daily clutter too and see whether I can get rid of things we don't use. I just feel this need to streamline or simplify.
Enjoy my kids. I want to keep Caleb busy with activities and really enjoy this time with him. I'm hoping that he can be enrolled in some swimming class at our local pond since the YMCA classes seem to fill up on the first day (which is when I turn in our registration form). I want to enjoy figuring out how to balance both my kids' needs/wants.
Cook more. I want to learn how to cook more meals as part of my effort of eating better and providing better food for my family.
Move more. I want to make working out a more regular activity. I've been a bit scattered about it even after putting it on the calendar. Must figure out how to make movement a more regular part of my day.
Read more. I want to start reading the books I think I should have read a long time ago. Classic books that everyone else "had to read" for school or whatever. Feel free to recommend some!
Stay connected with Aaron. We seem to be falling back into our pattern of living our own lives and forgetting at times that we live with each other. We're not having problems. I just want to feel more connected and happier together.

Do these goals seem unreasonable? I don't know. Sometimes I think these should be givens, but other days I think they are completely unattainable. How do you want to spend your summer?

How to delete spam "friends"

2009-05-29T12:27:48Z

OK, anyone know how to delete someone who has added you to their friends list? At least 2 LJ users have added me as their friends without my permission and now apparently have access to my blog. How do I remove them? When I go to my friends page, it doesn't seem to be an option? The users who have added me have spam on their LJ sites, so obviously I don't want any part of that.

THANKS!

Plants, Squirrels, and Colorful Language

2009-05-22T19:57:46Z

Since my last post, my family has planted 10 pots of vegetables, 2 blueberry bushes and several strawberry plants. Caleb and Aaron dutifully water our new additions daily, unless it rains a lot. Every day we check the pots and the berry plants for signs of hope/growth. We never have planted our own food before.

This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions as far as gardening goes.

Day One - Pesky squirrels attacked the 1 of the 3 pepper plants. After the squirrel attack, Aaron bought chicken wire without a plan for how to use it. Caleb was SO excited to use chicken wire (who knew?). When it was obvious to me that Aaron was not building a squirrel deterrent, I went to investigate. He and I argued about the chicken wire, with my very mature concluding argument of "Just put up the magenta chicken wire already!"

Magenta, you ask? Yes, magenta. Rather than say any number of expletives in front of Caleb who is a walking echo machine, I chose to use actual colorful language instead. Caleb stopped in his bouncing tracks and backed me up, "Yeah Daddy! Put up the damn chicken wire already!"

Our neighbor was pushing his daughter on our swing set at the time. Charming.

Day Two - Sprouts!! Yes, despite the squirrels' best efforts we have sprouts. Some of the vegetables, like the aforementioned pepper plants, we planted from seedlings. Some of the vegetables, like pole beans, we planted from seeds. The pole beans and cucumbers sprouted! We were thrilled.

Aaron replanted pepper plants with newfound optimism.

Being silly humans, our vegetables remained vulnerable to squirrel attack due to the lack of deterrent. I did yell at the squirrels during my picnic lunch with Caleb, but apparently squirrels could care less.

Day Three - Squirrel attack. This time, the squirrels utterly destroyed 2 of the 3 pepper plants and left a delicate bite mark on the third otherwise healthy looking plant. It was like they were sending us a message - "Protect your plants or we'll take them all." The evil rodents (yes, they are rodents. Wikipedia says so. *smirk*) also sampled my dear pole beans though I still have hope for them.

Aaron talked with our neighbor J who just tore down the squirrels' condo, also known as his front porch. Aaron joked that he didn't appreciate that J's squirrels had eaten our vegetables. J is a man of few words. J's wise advice? "Shoot 'em."

I yelled some more at the squirrels, in duplicate thanks to Caleb.

Aaron returned to Home Depot to find a possibly more effective solution. We now have 10 pots of potential vegetables surrounded by plastic netting. I don't trust this netting one bit. I think the squirrels will burrow or squirm their way under the netting or perhaps gnaw their way through the plastic or the wire ties holding the netting together. I'm telling myself that this is a learning experience, so let's look at lessons learned, shall we?

Lessons Learned from Backyard Garden:

Planting several pots of same vegetable is good insurance but also good advertising to the local riffraff.
Not putting up some kind of deterrent is naive at best, stupid in reality.
Speaking expletives in code does not fool the 3 year old, given enough context.

On that last point, any tips for expressing oneself fully without using a potty mouth? Successful expletive codes? Stories of how you taught your kids when/where to use "bad language?"

Just to fill in the gap

2009-05-08T19:54:25Z

So I left all 3 of you hanging last time.

The big news is that one of my dearest friends got a job after 10 years of graduate school. He's about to become a rabbi, and he'll make a damn fine one if I may say so. He had several interviews, despite a crummy economy, and actually had to make a choice between a local job (in which he would have been my boss - a tad bit weird) and a job that is about 2 hours away. He chose the 2 hour away job. I'm excited for him now that I've had time to process and whine about not seeing him and his wife nearly enough.

So there you have it. My big secret - ha!

May the road always rise up to greet you, friend.

And in other news...

2009-04-22T19:32:01Z

No, I'm not pregnant.

I just haven't posted in a while. I mean, it took me nearly a month to write about my own son's 3rd birthday. I can only imagine what he will tell some therapist about me when he is an adult. Or even when he is a teenager, for that matter.

As April nears its end, I realize we have survived another winter. Not that winter is such a hardship in our modern times, but I have a sense of making it through all the same. Caleb's birthday came at the beginning of spring, according to the calendar and moon cycles. Ellie's birthday may give us hints of summer. In between, we acknowledged Passover, enjoyed a family get-together in Montreal, and continued with our regular busy schedules.

Preschool had been weighing heavily on me for a while. Caleb has been going to a preschool daycare since he was a toddler. I was very happy with his toddler room experience, but his preschool experience has not thrilled me. I suppose no harm, no foul BUT I would like to feel like I'm getting what I want for so much money. We toured several preschools in the area; I fell in love with one that had a completely unrealistic schedule for us. In the end, we signed Caleb up for the YMCA preschool. We felt that it would be a better match for his need for activity, and it is definitely a much better price. We decided to take Caleb out of preschool over the summer in order to make a really clean break and also to save money. I don't work in the summer, so it doesn't make sense to spend money that isn't coming in. I think our plan for the summer is to sign Caleb up for classes at the Y and figure out some regular activities like hiking in the woods and having a weekly playdate with one of his good friends. The Y classes filled up on the first day of registration, but our town pond offers swim lessons starting in June, so we'll try to sign up for those. Just thinking about the different possibilities of activities makes me feel like summer is too short!

Another topic which seems to keep brewing in my mind is how to balance my teaching goals with raising my family. When Ellie was still very little, I had an easier time working on teaching preparations while she slept. As she approaches 1 year old, I find that it is next to impossible for me to shift gears mentally to teaching prep EVEN when she is napping (like right now!). By the time both kids are in bed, when I usually can shift out of "mom mode," I'm exhausted and can't focus enough to get more than laundry or other chores done. Maybe I should think of teaching prep as a chore? Now that's a depressing thought!

Anyway, I'd like to be able to organize some of my past curricula and plan my fall teaching over the summer. I'm not sure how to structure my days so that I can carve out work time for myself. Do I want to work a little each day? Do I want to have one long day to get work done? I just don't know.

Last but not least, I've started exercising at the Y. I had to take a week off thanks to an unexpected bout of strep throat (mine and not the kids, go figure), but I'm going back tonight. I usually just use the elliptical or stairmaster machines, and I'm surprised how much I enjoy it. I plug in my iPod and basically get into the zone. I've never been a fan of exercise for exercise's sake, so I guess I really have been craving alone time if I enjoy exercise! I don't have any concrete goal in mind with the exercise. I'd like to be a bit smaller - say from a size 14 to a size 10 - but I don't have a specific weight loss goal or an item of clothing I want to be able to wear.

Now that I think about it, I guess my going to the Y is part of my recent shift to eating more whole foods and fewer processed foods. I've been enjoying cooking much more than I used to - it feels like I'm creating something useful and powerful when I cook. I'm not necessarily a great cook, but the food I make is tasty. I read a few books about food - the very popular Michael Pollan books and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Kingsolver. Those books made me reconsider what I put into my body and why. I can't say that eating better quality food is doing anything for making myself smaller/thinner, but it does make me happier not to eat as much processed crap. I feel more connected to the process of food when I'm eating something that I can understand. As for the exercise connection, I feel like I'm giving my body a chance to do what it is meant to do - namely, move - when I go to the gym. Sure, using exercise equipment isn't the most natural way of getting movement into my life, but it's a reasonable substitute for the otherwise largely sedentary lifestyle. And maybe eating better food and getting exercise will set some kind of good example for my kids.

There is one more thing on my mind, but that post will have to wait until later when I know I'm at liberty to write about it. Sorry to leave all 3 of my regular readers hanging, but I'm sure you'll understand. :)

Caleb turned 3

2009-04-22T18:59:12Z

On March 24, 2009 at 11:55am, Caleb Stanley Stevens turned 3 years old.

Wow.

OK, some people will not find that statement particularly amazing. Perhaps I am infusing more drama than is appropriate. However, I think the act of growing, aging, and continuing in the cycle of life is pretty amazing. I've been labeling photographs to send my mother, and there are pictures where I don't quite recognize my son because he has grown and changed that much.

It has been nearly a month since his birthday, and I still can't believe I'm mom to a 3 year old and a nearly 1 year old. Where did the time go? I know that time just goes; it's not something we can hold on to or possess in any real sense, and yet I wonder how it seems to have flown by.

Quasi-deep thoughts aside, here are some details and pictures of Caleb's 3rd birthday experiences. On his actual birthday, we went to the YMCA for preschool open gym and then to a local Indian restaurant for lunch. My dear son enjoys the Indian buffet for good 3 year old reasons - no waiting for food and allowed dessert. I tried to do things that day that he would enjoy even though his birthday party wasn't until the weekend.

His party was a tremendous success by my perhaps silly measures. I made thematically appropriate invitations, food and activities. I invited our neighbors and some friends from his preschool. The kids seemed to have fun; no one got hurt. I don't even think there was a sizable tantrum. The cake turned out really yummy, and I managed to paint the mobile in time for the big day. His party had a space theme since he LOVES all things rocket and space related. Here are some pictures:

The view of our backyard when I came outside after finishing a few last things

Riding the tire swing with friends

One of our neighbors checking out the solar system

The cake

The boy and his cake. Yum!

Cake makes everyone happy

It was a good day with good food and friends. I was really happy to provide homemade food - thank you to my neighbor for bringing an amazing pasta salad and thank you to Aaron for cutting stars from melon! I was really excited to make cake and frosting from scratch. But most of all, I was happy to attempt to create a happy experience for my son. It felt like magic.

Another Day in the Life

2009-02-23T03:12:57Z

I feel like posting what a "normal" day looks like around here. Of courses there is no real normal, but I just feel like trying to post normal anyway.

Most weeks our schedule is pretty fixed. Mondays and Wednesdays are Caleb's days at preschool (8:30-4:30). Tuesday mornings we go to an open gym at our town's family network. Thursdays are unscheduled on purpose, and Aaron tends to be home on Thursdays. Fridays also are unscheduled, but we tend to run errands on end up on a playdate just to get out and about. Aaron volunteers at Habitat for Humanity on Saturdays, so I look for something to do like going to the Museum of Science or the Children's Museum if I feel like a longer drive. I teach most Sundays, so then it's Aaron's turn to find something to do with the kids. Where's Ellie in all this? She comes along for the ride for the time being.

I do put some effort into balancing time away from home and time just to chill at home. I try to think about whether the things we are doing away from home are fun and worth the effort/cost of getting out of the house. I said I would write a normal day post, but today wasn't entirely normal.

Today is Sunday, but I'm on February vacation, so there was no rushing out the door this morning to teach. Instead I lounged in bed until the luxuriously late hour of 7:15. Caleb already gave us a wake up call, used the toilet with typical dawdling ("Caleb, when you dawdle, you fall off the step stool" - a commonly heard utterance at 6:30am in our house), and argued against "daytime clothes." Aaron brought Ellie to me for nursing. Aaron took first shower, and I read to the kids. This meant I played defense against Ellie's attemps at taking the book for a snack and against Caleb's rougher defense against Ellie. Caleb just wanted to hear a story and snuggle. Ellie wanted to have all the books to eat. I guess board books are tastier than I would have thought. Eventually Aaron was showered and dressed, and he took the kids downstairs for round one of breakfast.

Before my shower, I made Caleb's bed, organized his books so that they actually will stay on the shelf instead of crashing to the floor just because I walk in the room, and I made our bed. Then I showered. I could smell pancakes and turkey sausage as I stepped out of the shower. Ahh... it's the little moments like those I treasure. I did some more decluttering while getting dressed, and so my getting dressed took entirely too long. By the time I made it downstairs, Caleb had eaten oatmeal, and Ellie had eaten Cheerios. Both kids were ready for round 2 of breakfast.

The four of us ate breakfast, and Aaron and I tried to have a coherent conversation about the day's events. By the end of breakfast, we managed to agree that Aaron and Caleb would go play during Ellie's morning nap, and I would straighten the house so that I could take nice pictures for potential house swappers. After the nap, we would tour the local YMCA. That was the extent of the coherent conversation. Other conversation included reminding Caleb that he should use his fork when dipping pancakes into syrup or cranberry apple butter and that food is not a toy. Caleb's end of the conversation was dominated by requests for more. More what? More. Sometimes he specified more syrup or more "that."

Aaron and Caleb went out after breakfast and after I set Ellie down for the blessed morning nap. I got to work. I decluttered every room of the house that I could while I had the time to myself. As I said, this was NOT a normal day. A normal day means the house is a disaster zone, at least in several rooms. I took the pictures for the house swappers. The office remained cluttered and I waited until the end of nap to do Ellie's room. I'm really pleased with the results. Aaron was amazed. Decluttering may have been the one productive thing I did all day.

When the boys returned and Ellie had nursed and been changed, we went to the YMCA for the tour. What fabulous facilities! Free childcare for up to 1.5 hours for members. Newly renovated workout spaces and new equipment. The whole place is bright and cheery. We are joining tomorrow, and I need to find out if I can get Caleb into ANY swim class for this session. This session of course starts tomorrow. I have such a hard time with deadlines, and it bugs me because I used to be so punctual and on top of things like that. One of many changes since having kids.

The YMCA tour was not all rainbows and unicorns. Caleb simply could not accept that we were not swimming right then and there. He had a very hard time with "just looking." Much whining but no meltdown on the tour. When I managed to convince him to leave by being a rocket ship, he felt tricked when we got to the door and just lost it. We got both kids safely to the car and listened to much crying and screaming on the thankfully short ride home. At least only one kid was screaming. Ellie was too busy trying to lose more socks.

Lunch time! I quickly got the kids set up with lunch. Ellie had broccoli, cucumbers and carrots. Caleb requested fish sticks. When I asked whether he wanted cucumbers or carrots, he screamed and eventually said he couldn't answer. I don't know where this "I can't answer" stuff is coming from, but it sucks. He has the wherewithal to say he can't answer but not the ability to answer with something more useful? *shrug* I put some cucumbers and carrots on his plate and figured he would reject both. I added some pears because he will eat nothing but pears if I let him.

Nap time - BIG DEEP BREATH! Amazingly, both kids went down with no major issues. They slept for a shockingly long time (3+ hours!!). Again, it was not a normal day. I continued my straightening efforts with things on and around my desk. I discovered that I completely forgot to send my mom a huge batch of photos that we picked out together. They aren't even labeled or in the right order. Ugh. I packed up things to be mailed to my mamaw and to my friend mandella0021 . Maybe I will manage to stay organized enough to get those to the post office tomorrow before settling in to work on my calendar curriculum.

Near the end of nap time, I went out for an hour to have "noffee" with a friend. Neither of us drink coffee, so we have non-coffee drinks at a nearby Starbucks every so often. It has been way too long since we got together and we didn't have nearly enough time to chat. I also was stuck in the world of kids. Nothing to say about myself really. *sigh* Where did I go? Good thing my friend has kids, but still.

I came home in time for the three-ring circus: dinner, bath, bed. Aaron made turkey burgers, green beans, and cheesy mashed potatoes. It was delicious. I'll need to pay him back tomorrow with something yummy. I'm thinking of thawing some chicken and coming up with something. Maybe I'll make the chicken ricotta spinach pie thing... argh, would need to go shopping for the ricotta. *shrug* I'll figure something out. Dinner with Caleb was more challenging than usual. I think his snotty nose is getting in the way of eating. I also think it's time to take him off of the juice diet since the nose isn't THAT snotty. Too many juice calories means not enough other food. Ellie ate like a champ: potatoes, green beans, and kept asking for more even when she was rubbing her eyes with the potatoes. Her bath and bed was uneventful, and Aaron graciously took care of Caleb's bath. I got to do the fun stuff with him - stories, snuggles, talk about his "morning day" as he calls it. We review the whole day before he goes to sleep. Sometimes it takes a freaking long time (like this post!), but it really seems to help him settle.

After kids' bedtime, Aaron and I enjoyed dessert downstairs. No double entendre - just chocolaty goodness known as Cocoa Joel ice cream. Every chocolate ice cream ingredient plus hydrox cookies. Yum. Even though we expunged high fructose corn syrup from the house, I still allow Cocoa Joel. Locally homemade and oh so amazingly good.

And now I've come back up to the office. I transferred pictures of the house from the camera to the computer. I e-mailed those to Aaron to do with what he will. I caught up on my e-mail, wrote this too long blog entry, and avoided getting the pictures for my mom in order. I still haven't read up on Rosh HaShanah for my work tomorrow. So at 10:12PM, I'm off to bed to read (I hope). Maybe tomorrow I can post a "normal" day. :)

Anger Management for Preschoolers, anyone?

2009-02-14T18:33:55Z

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!

Two of the most common utterances in my house for the past 2 days. Ugh. People have said that 3 is the new 2, but Caleb isn't even 3 yet. I'm pretty sure he's going through a growth spurt because he has been eating like there is no tomorrow for about a week. I think his tantrums may be partly from hunger, but there is more. There is the potty learning/training experience. *sigh* It had been going so beautifully, so absolutely amazingly well. And then, splat. I don't really have a way to describe how awful it has become. Let's review (because we all know this is great stuff to publish on the Internet, only to mortify my dear son later in life, but come on, I need to vent).

18 mos. - Caleb becomes fascinated with our going to the bathroom and begins to follow us and ask what we're doing. We had to teach/train him not to bang on the bathroom door in the morning when Aaron has his private time in the bathroom. As weird as that sounds, he really just needs some time and space to go to the bathroom in the morning. Anyway, I decided to buy a potty seat for Caleb. He helped to put it together. He peed in it a few times. Yay! Then he decided it was a toy. He would play with the lid, take it apart, and generally find ways to stall while exploring this piece of plastic. We packed the potty seat away for at least 6 mos. Between 18 mos. and 2 years, I put him on the regular toilet once before a bath. I put him there because he was in the bathroom naked, and I didn't want to deal with pee on the floor. Well, he peed in the toilet. Huh. So I started putting him on the toilet every night before his bath. Almost every night, he peed.

Sometime around 2 years old - we brought the potty seat out of hiding. He began using it appropriately every day. Maybe only at bath some days, but he used it quite happily.

Ellie was born and Caleb's potty pattern did not change. Another huh. Everyone said he would regress. Nope. He still wore diapers and still used the potty at least before bath daily. At some point, he peed in a public restroom and was so proud. Cool beans.

Somewhere along our journey, he spotted Thomas the Tank Engine underwear. After a lot of thought and discussion with Aaron, we bought the underwear. Caleb was THRILLED. I mean the kid modeled his underwear. It was hilarious and touching all at once. At first underwear was for home use only, but we eventually expanded that to familiar places or places close to home. He rarely had accidents, which I found shocking. He started telling us when he needed to use the toilet with virtually no prompting from us. Seriously, I was amazed. Eventually he actually pooped in his potty. I remember thinking that this was great. No pushing him, no fighting, the underwear was reward enough apparently. Hurrah!

One last leap remained besides sleep times and that was school. Caleb kept asking to wear underwear at school and I was very hesitant. I didn't want him to feel failure. I didn't want to do additional laundry. *smirk* I just wanted things to go smoothly. Eventually his asking was so often and so desperate that I decided we would give it a try. For a few weeks, things seemed great. Of course he had an accident once in a while because school was way more interesting than home or other familiar places. Then this week happened. *sigh*

I had noticed that the accidents at school were increasing, and so I reminded the director and the teachers that they needed to tell Caleb to go to the bathroom every so often. I made sure he had backup clothes on Monday. When I picked him up on Wednesday, I checked his cubby and saw that the backup pants were gone. Normally I would assume they made their way to our laundry monster, but I actually am on top of it this week. I decided to tell his teacher G about the missing pants while reminding him of the valentines Caleb made for his friends. G thought the pants are probably in another kid's cubby. Hmph. Likely but frustrating since Caleb seems to be having accidents more often than not at school. Then Caleb decided he could greet me. As I hugged him, I noticed that his pants were soaked - both legs along the inseam. Ugh. I mentioned to G "Um, it looks like Caleb had an accident today." G denied the accident, saying that the wetness is from outside. Again that is likely since the ice and snow are melting at long last, but the wetness was only in one place. I scurried Caleb to the car, at which point he told me that his underwear were wet. I checked to confirm and discovered that Caleb was right. This also confirmed that the wetness on his pants was not from ice melt. Argh.

I'm not at all angry with Caleb. He is LEARNING! But G is a grown-up and a child-care provider. He should know better. I considered marching back in and letting him have it, but I know that I say things I regret when I'm that mad. Plus, I just wanted to get Caleb into some dry clothes. Caleb knew I was mad, and I think he thinks I was mad at him. His behavior since Wednesday has sucked. His ability and willingness to use the toilet has pretty much gone out the window. Today (Saturday) I'm taking a break from underwear. He is wearing a diaper just so that we don't have tantrums every time I suggest that he try to use the potty. Until this week, I rarely had to suggest potty use. He would go on his own and didn't mind that we would remind him if he hadn't gone in a long time (say 2 hours or so). Since Wednesday it goes like this:

Me: Caleb, before we go to [insert fun place or necessary destination here], please go to the bathroom.
C: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Caleb, I didn't ask. Please go to the bathroom so that you don't end up with wet underwear.
C: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! (followed by running away)
Me: Caleb, we will not go until you go to the bathroom.
C: AIIIIIIIIII!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Me: Caleb, are you choosing to wear a diaper because you don't want to use the potty?
C: NOOOOOO!!!!!
Me: I will count to 3 and then I will put you in a diaper unless you try to use the potty.
C: NO!!!!!
Me: One.
C: DON'T SAY ONE!!!!!
Me: Go to the potty! Two.
C: (cries and goes into bathroom)
Me: Thank you.
C: I don't want to use the potty!
Me: OK, you don't have to use it. Here is your diaper.
C: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Ugh.

I asked Caleb before his nap today, while putting him in his diaper (not great timing, I'll admit), if he wanted to wear underwear after his nap and use the potty. He actually said "Um... maybe..." This answer tells me he really isn't sure about this potty thing. He did poop in the potty this morning - his choice. But pee happened in the diaper. *shrug*

I know he'll get there. Potty independence is NOT my concern. Sanity is a concern. I just want to get to potty independence with less noise.

LJ friend question

2009-02-11T04:06:25Z

OK, experience LJers. How do you remove someone from your friend list? Someone friended me and I don't know who the person is. How do I block that person? Am I able to?

Bullet update

2009-02-11T04:01:06Z

OK, I've resolved to write a bit more regularly, so this is a quick bullet update before I crash into bed.

Today was a great day in mommyhood. Got so much done and enjoyed my kids at the same time. Thought it might not be possible only to prove myself wrong. Hurrah!
Have started taking Caleb to "Open Gym" at our local family network once a week. Gets us out of the house while I get to kibbitz with one of my new mom friends.
Made valentines with Caleb today. He calls them clementines. Cracks me up! They turned out really good, if you consider that I don't do crafts. Construction paper, white paint, dish sponge, chocolate covered peppermint stick. My dear son wanted to give his friends candy canes for Valentine's Day. The Christmas Tree Shop did not have candy canes. These were the next best thing. Here's a quick pic:

Ellie still isn't crawling. I'm both frustrated/worried and relieved. At this point Caleb was starting to pull up and make a move towards climbing; he had been crawling since 6 mos. Ellie is 8 months old. Will she ever crawl? Does it matter?
I'm starting to cook more often and more from mostly scratch. Tonight I made chicken fingers using panko (yum!!). Since returning to omnivore eating, I've been slowly figuring out how to cook with chicken again. I made a variation on shepherd's pie using chicken cut into nugget size pieces. It was really yummy - spinach, carrots, onions, ricotta cheese. Anyway, I'm trying to cook more often in an attempt to eat more healthfully and maybe even lose some weight. So far no luck on weight loss, but I suspect my chocolate habit is the issue there.
In the world of non-mom work, I got completely overwhelmed and finally had to hire someone to come once a week so that I could have child-free time to get teaching prep done. She starts next Wednesday. I hope it works out. I don't want to give up teaching. It hurts to even think about doing that.
Oh, I nearly forgot - Ellie got her first tooth. She is shy about it, so no pictures of that yet. :( It's a bottom center tooth.
Speaking of pictures, I updated our family website today. Send me a comment if you want the link.
OK, it's way too late for me to be at the computer. More blogging soon. :)

Happy New Year and Too Busy!

2009-01-07T15:39:13Z

In case anyone actually reads this, I'm sorry to have been so sporadic in my writing.

First, happy new year! I hope you all enjoyed bringing in the new year. We spent the evening with our neighbors, and it was delightful. I then proceeded to be sick for the next 3-4 days. :( 5-6 pounds lighter, I feel much better now.

Next, I am SWAMPED and OVERWHELMED by my work right now. I am supposed to be writing a curriculum to start teaching on Sunday, finishing my grading from the fall semester, calculating said grades, finishing grading for all the incompletes my students have accumulated (grr), and somewhere in there I'm supposed to be taking care of my kids and house. Ack. I told my neighbor we could hang out again in another 2 weeks, but I'm afraid I may have overcommitted.

Last, in addition to our relaxing and delightful new year's celebrating, we all traveled to Texas over Christmas to visit my parents. We had a nice visit overall and took MANY pictures. Feel free to check out the pics on our online album.

I'm hoping to be writing on here more regularly this year, but with all of the things on my plate, I'm not sure how it will go. Stick around though, I might surprise you! :)

Things I Want to Remember After My Kids Grow Up

2008-12-27T17:09:50Z

Every so often I find myself thinking "Please don't let me forget this when I get older/when my kids grow up and move out on their own." Maybe that sounds sappy, but really it's more pragmatic than you might think. Sure, I want to remember baby cuddles and toddler giggles and all the funny things that my son says and that my daughter hopefully/probably will say when they are very young. But more often I think things like "If I'm ever blessed to be a grandmother, please don't let me forget how tired a mom with young kids is." So in that spirit and maybe some of the sappy spirit too, here is a very INCOMPLETE list of things I don't want to forget.

Between 5:30pm and 8:00pm, the house can be a three-ring circus. It's not a good time to call people with young children. We generally don't answer the phone between 6 and 8, but the craziness starts a bit before 6. We try to get Caleb fed, bathed, and to bed by 7:30ish. Ellie crashes some time between 5:30 and 6:30 most nights. Ellie goes to sleep easily, but she is a light sleeper. SO Caleb's every shriek potentially can wake her. Getting the kids to bed doesn't involve anything terribly difficult, but it's exhausting.
The weight of my children's bodies when they are babies, when they are toddlers, and as they grow up. I would like to forget what the headbutting to my sternum feels like, but I love the feeling of their heads on me during a snuggle.
Food does not equal love. Feeding grandchildren will not make them love me. Feeding or offering food to grandchildren without asking the parents first may cause unnecessary tensions. Check in with the parents before they come to visit to ask them what foods the kiddies like and what should be avoided.
At least some of the "isms" my kids come up with. Last night Caleb was asking my father for some coins for a piggy bank. He asked for a penny. My dad didn't have a penny. My dad said he had a nickel. Caleb said "I have nipple!" and proceeded to lift his shirt to demonstrate. :)
Let kids play without telling them how to play.
I want to remember my parents playing with my kids and what it looked like to come downstairs to see everyone playing happily while my mom made breakfast.
Let me remember Caleb's toddler/preschool singing in the key of Caleb.
Let me also remember that toys with batteries, lights, and sounds can get REALLY annoying VERY quickly.

I'm sure there is more that I want to remember. I just hope I haven't already forgotten.

Meme - my second?

2008-12-09T04:25:13Z

Well, I've been tagged by my friend at The Beautiful Letdown:

The Rules

1. Post the rules on your blog.

2. Write 7 random things about yourself.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post.

My Random Things

1. My desk is an explosion of motherhood meets part-time teaching. On top of a pile of unlabeled kid pictures is my JPS Tanakh (Jewish Bible). On top of my printer through which all lesson plans are printed is one of Caleb's shirts which needs a button resewn. Next to same printer is a cloth diaper for capturing Ellie's frequent spit-up. On the other side of my desk is a pile of midterm projects to be graded on top of books to be returned to various sources (different libraries, one of my bosses, etc) and covering a photo album of yet more kid pictures.

2. I'm writing this at 11:15pm when I should be in bed because both kids are sleeping. I have long spent the energy I gained from a blessed nap today.

3. I'm stressed about weird things. I need a hair cut but I keep forgetting to call the salon. I want a pedicure but am overwhelmed at trying to fit it in before the end of the month when I visit my parents. I am distressed by the lack of order to Caleb's toys and yet have not reorganized them because I can[t stand the idea of a tantrum due to my cleaning efforts.

4. Oh, and at 11:15pm, there is unfolded laundry waiting for me in my room. It will not get folded tonight unless my dear husband does it.

5. In the grander scheme of life, I'm wondering what I should be when I grow up, but I don't think I'll ever really grow up. So maybe I don't have to find a direction?

6. If I do ever find a direction in life, I hope i get to use my little knack of reading people and group energy oddly well. This gift serves me well when teaching and gives me tsuris (Yiddish for problems, pain in the neckness) when in social settings.

7. I just realized I don't have 7 people to tag. Ack. Maybe I need to spend more time on the blogosphere? Here goes:

Emily
JEN
Shannon
Susie
Leah (do you read this?)
Aaron (who rarely reads this)
Someone point me to a 7th person. :)

My 15 seconds of fame

2008-12-06T04:32:51Z

Just to make my fame more obvious:

http://www.thenewbornbaby.com/bonding-with-baby/babywearing/

Apparently the pictures I sent to this website's owner at her request were OK. She asked me to write about why I wear my kids, which is where the previous post came from. Anyway, instead of posting all the pictures too, I figured I would just post the link to her site. Happy browsing!

Why I Wear My Baby

2008-12-05T20:18:02Z

When I was expecting with my son who will turn 3 in March, a friend bought me a ring sling as a gift. I was so excited to have a way to keep him close to me and still be able to keep up with things around the house. Everyone I knew told me how wearing my baby would help the baby feel calmer and how it would help my baby feel secure. After he was born, I was in for a big shock. My baby boy did not like being worn in the sling for even one minute. In retrospect, I realize that I probably didn't have him in a comfortable position like the tummy-to-tummy position that I see so many people use today to wear their little ones. At the time, I was sad not to have a way to carry my baby other than my arms. I knew next to nothing about babywearing, but I knew I wanted to be able to wear my son. My husband and I used a Babies R Us gift certificate to buy a Baby Bjorn. My son didn't like the Bjorn any better than the sling until he could face out. Not long after that point, he wanted no part of being held or carried because he figured out crawling. The sling and the Bjorn made their way to storage, and thoughts of babywearing were replaced by thoughts of baby gates.

By the time my son turned 2, I was expecting our second child. I was even more determined to wear this baby than I had been with my son. After all, I needed to be able to play with my son after the baby was born. Playing with my son means two hands, two legs, and an alertness that doesn't come easily to a sleep-deprived parent. I made my way to a Boston Babywearers meeting while still expecting so that I could see what the options were besides the ring sling and the Bjorn. I wanted something that would work for many months, maybe even until the baby was walking. I watched the carrier demonstrations with fascination. I knew there were a lot of options, but I didn't realize just how many. I also had no idea that carriers were not nearly as complicated as I thought. I was drawn to stretchy wraps because they looked so cuddly. I was very intimidated by them, thinking that I was not nearly coordinated enough to figure them out. I bought my first wrap, a Gypsy Mama stretchy wrap, a few weeks later.

I practiced wrapping with my son's larger stuffed animals. I looked silly, but I think it worked. At the end of May, I wrapped my daughter for the first time when she was 2 days old. She loved it. I could go just about anywhere with her in the wrap, and she was happy. Other people would comment on how peaceful and quiet she was. I just smiled. I couldn't believe that I actually became a babywearer! As the summer grew hotter, my wrap became less comfortable. I then discovered gauze wraps and bought a Gypsy Mama gauze wrap from a friend. That wrap got us through the hot and humid days in peace and comfort. The time neared for me to return to part-time work, and I wanted my husband to get on board with babywearing so that he would have an easier time caring for both children when I was working. I knew he wouldn't wrap, but I thought I could get him to wear a mei-tai because it looks more "mainstream." I sent him pictures of a few mei-tai carriers a friend was selling. He picked one to try and was sold after trying it at a party. He proudly wears our daughter in a BabyHawk mei-tai when he takes our son to the playground. My daughter just turned 6 months old this month. About 2 or 3 months ago, I started looking for yet another carrier because it was not as comfortable to carry her in the stretchy or gauze wraps as it had been when she was smaller. Another friend was selling a wrap she loved, the Earthy Rainbow Girasol woven wrap. In order to justify my purchase, I sold the stretchy wrap and plan to sell the gauze wrap when the weather gets warmer again.

Hardly a day goes by without wearing my daughter. Wearing her makes life run so much more smoothly. When she hits that slightly fussy time in the late afternoon, I can pop her into the wrap, and she settles long enough for me to get dinner started and sometimes finished. When I need to get both kids to bed on my own, I can wear my daughter while giving my son a bath. Shopping with two kids is easier than I thought it would be because I can buckle my son in a shopping cart and wear my daughter. I have not bought a double stroller because I haven't needed one yet. Wearing my daughter gives me more mobility than I would have if I didn't wear her. The wrap acts as another layer of warmth on those cooler days too. As she begins to express stranger anxiety, she can meet new people more easily because she is close to me and people don't try to take her out of a carrier. She still can doze a bit in a wrap or the mei-tai if she is tired enough, though she does prefer to nap in a crib.

When people tell me they think babywearing is too complicated or that they aren't coordinated enough to figure it out, I laugh. I'm not coordinated or graceful at all. I learned how to wear my baby by asking questions and practicing. I'm still not graceful about it, and yet I manage to do it. I know that anyone can do this if I can.

Reflections on Thanksgiving

2008-12-01T21:51:12Z

Thanksgiving was tasty and overall enjoyable. I only got choked up about Liz twice, and both times I felt were completely reasonable rather than out of nowhere. I did manage to feel a sense of Liz's presence when I responded to her father-in-law's question about the chocolate cornucopia, and that was a particularly warm feeling. I felt thankful to have a moment that reminded me of her in that way.

I really enjoyed watching the kids play, and I am certain that Liz would have been happy to see them playing too. I didn't feel like I needed to watch over Caleb, and I actually felt like I had some adult conversation (a rarity these days).

As for the getting choked up, the first time was when I was eating the absolutely fabulous sweet potatoes. I exclaimed that the sweet potatoes were fantastic. Evan's sister-in-law had made them, and I was a bit surprised because I don't think of her as a cook necessarily. To be fair, I don't know her that well, so I'm not being judgmental here - I just think of her as a take-out kind of person. Anyway, she said that she used Liz's recipe, and I nearly choked on my sweet potatoes. Liz made the absolute best sweet potatoes on earth, and it was strange for me to think of someone else being able to reproduce them. After my choking, I was able to thank the sister-in-law for making them and tell her that it meant a lot to me that she used Liz's recipe. The second time I got choked up was my own fault. I have been meaning to ask Evan's aunt for a copy of what she wrote for Liz's memorial. I asked, and of course the aunt wanted to talk but not talk about it. She was happy to send me a copy (I hope to receive it soon!), and we both got a bit teary-eyed and agreed to stop talking about it. Then she thanked us for helping everyone through this. I don't know what she means. We've all plodded through "this" together, helping each other as we could. I don't feel like we've done anything particularly special to help. Aaron perhaps has, but me? Not so much. I've run away and avoided like the repressed scared individual that I suppose I am.

Anyway, we really did have a good time with the family. I think we can build upon the tradition. Liz would like that.

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-27T15:38:32Z

The day has arrived. Evan came by this morning to pick up a long folding table and some extra chairs. I offered to bring food, only to be told how much food already was made. OK. I asked about family and got the list of people coming. I asked about football and got a confused look but had a nice chat about the Pats and Jets. I wanted to ask how he was doing. I wanted to tell him how sad I was, but I didn't want to burden him. It was good to see him happy about the cranberry pomegranate sauce that he modified with brandy. To be honest, I still want my crappy Ocean Spray canned cranberry jelly - go figure. I digress. It was good to see him happy about the Jets. So maybe I did the right thing by distracting him, and in the process by distracting myself.

I just want her back. I want to know what vegetarian delight she would have made to accompany the 27+ pound turkey that Evan is barbecuing. I want to know what she would have said about various family stuff that I won't write about here. What book would she have been reading? What movie would she want to go see? What would she think of Obama's cabinet choices? Yeah, I want to know all that relatively insignificant stuff that I didn't necessarily know when she was alive.

Mostly, I just want her presence. She had such a unique presence (I guess we all do?); I'm not sure whether I can describe it. I always thought of her as an observer since she seemed to be watching everything and everyone. But she wasn't passive. In fact, on Thanksgiving she had specific ideas about what to make and she would go ahead and make those things. She was like that - she knew what to do and just did it. She wasn't loud about it, but she was effective. When she spoke, it mattered. It was as though she waited until she had all the right words in the right order and the conversation had enough of a pause. Then she would speak, and it would be funny or brilliant or somehow would summarize everything we all had been saying. And yet, she was unassuming about all of this. It wasn't like she was cocky or full of herself. She just spoke and resumed her business.

In the happy chaos of large gatherings, it was comforting to know that there was a calm rational person I could look to when I felt overwhelmed by the masses. I'm not sure where I should look today. Do I look to my husband who will be busy catching up with relatives? Do I look to my children, one of whom will be bouncing off the walls? I don't know. Yesterday I thought about how I didn't want to go to this gathering, but I know that isn't really accurate. I want to go, but I want the gathering to be different. I want to go, and I want to be allowed to be openly sad. I want to go, and I want to see her there in the kitchen and at the head of the table.

And the grief goes on

2008-11-25T19:07:35Z

When I nurse my daughter, I take that quiet time as an opportunity to breathe, to think in peace, and sometimes even to snooze a little bit. I mentioned in a recent post that thoughts of Liz keep coming to me while I'm nursing, and I know this is tied to the fact that I associate Liz with parenting.

I remember telling Liz at least one time that I looked to her as a role model for parenting. She scoffed at this idea, telling me that she was just making it up as she went along. Maybe she was making it up, but she was really good at it. I can't say I always agreed with her choices, but who always agrees? Even when she was sick, she passed on important lessons to her girls and found ways to be close with them. I remember one time when one of the girls intentionally hurt the other and Liz's response was "The worst thing you can do is hurt your sister." When the girls went through a labeling phase some time later, the older one had made a sign that said that and taped it to a dresser drawer. Maybe it was a harsh statement, but it sunk in and those girls are generally loving and good to each other.

While I nurse, I often wonder how Liz came up with her ideas or how her daughters turned out the way they have so far. What did she do to minimize sibling rivalry? What did she say or do to encourage teamwork? When I enforce a limit with Caleb, I wonder whether Liz would have made the same limit or whether she would have ignored that particular battle. I even hear myself asking, "Hey Liz, when R did XYZ, what did you do?" And then I remind myself that I won't hear an answer, not even a scoffing one.

A long overdue post - Grief continued

2008-11-25T16:15:59Z

The last post I actually wrote was about grief, and I guess I'm supposed to be writing about motherhood given the title of my blog. However, my grieving for Liz seems to be tied to my mothering, so I'm going to babble and rant about what I perceive as the unfairness of losing Liz and maybe even tie it to my experience parenting.

Thanksgiving is coming up this week. I love Thanksgiving. Liz loved Thanksgiving too. I think it was her favorite holiday, or at least it was in the top 5. It's sort of funny that she loved Thanksgiving, given that she didn't eat meat, but I didn't eat meat for several years either and still loved Thanksgiving too. I half-joke that Thanksgiving is about 3 F's - food, football, and family - in that order. Seriously though, it's a great excuse to get together with family, with people you love, and just hang out for the day with some great food. I happen to love watching football too, so that's a bonus.

Liz didn't make it to Thanksgiving last year.

Oh, we all hoped and prayed she would. In fact, most of us thought she would make it that far simply because she loved Thanksgiving so much. Liz used to cook up a storm for Thanksgiving. She made pies, side dishes galore (the best meal is one made completely of sides, by the way). Evan was in charge of the bird. We would bring folding tables to put in their living room upstairs and extra chairs so that we all had a place to sit. Then we would feast and laugh. The meal was long, but it never felt long. It was just a happy chaos. How could Liz leave before enjoying it one more time?

And yet she did.

Last year's Thanksgiving had a somberness to it which felt all wrong and yet required. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a happy holiday, and yet I could bring no cheer to the table. It was the first time I hosted Thanksgiving in our house, and we were in our new house to boot. Aaron's dad and stepmom were there, and it is always lovely to see them. I cooked all of the traditional foods, and Aaron was in charge of the bird. I set a lovely table, if I may say so. But it didn't feel like Thanksgiving.

There was no happy chaos. No kids fighting over toys. No cameras flashing pictures of the bounty and people enjoying one another's company. The meal was short, but it felt long.

This year, we return to Liz's house for Thanksgiving. Liz will not be joining us in body. Maybe she will be there in spirit. I will be looking for her in more than just the pictures and books on the shelves.

Stevens Look-alike Meter

2008-11-15T02:25:36Z

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs - Collage - Morph

Stevens Look-alike Meter

2008-11-15T02:19:57Z

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family name origins - Black and white photographs

Still grieving...

2008-11-12T20:30:29Z

Nearly a year has passed since our cousin Elizabeth Stern Thompson died from the wretched monster known as cancer. Last month, I finished reciting kaddish, a Jewish prayer which exalts G-d and is traditionally recited while in mourning. This coming Sunday, we are going to visit her husband and daughters. I'm not sure what we will do other than hang out and eat dinner, but I feel like we ought to do something. Then again, her husband is the real mourner. Sure, I feel a tremendous loss, but it cannot be anything like his loss, and I feel like his loss takes precedence.

Anyway, over the past few weeks, my grief keeps hitting me without warning. I was sharing a journal with my students on Sunday and read to them how I had spent several New Year's Eves. 1998-99: Paris, 1999-2000: Chicago, 2000-01: BNL concert with Evan and Liz. ack. It isn't like I forgot the concert, even with my lousy memory these days. In fact, when I read that aloud, I could see the stage from our seats in my mind. No, I just had not thought about yet another happy memory of Liz. Memories came flooding into my mind as I rolled off the other New Year's Eve locations, and I boxed them all up and shoved that box away while I continued to teach. No need to deal with those feelings in front of my 6th grade class, right?

Of course, feelings don't go away when you don't deal with them, so...

Lately when I nurse Ellie to sleep, I keep having random thoughts about Liz. The first time it happened, I noticed how I couldn't see my stuffed rhinoceros on the top bookshelf in the dark. Then I remembered that Liz gave us the rhino and was amused (?) or maybe annoyed (?) that we named her Rhonda. I took that rhino with me when I had my gall bladder out. Did taking her gift to a hospital bring a curse upon her? OK, that's nuts.

The next time I remember Liz thoughts coming to me while nursing was Halloween. I wondered whether Liz liked Halloween. I wondered what the girls had dressed up as. Did the girls have a good time? Liz would have gone with them even if she didn't like Halloween. I was sad not to know whether she liked Halloween. What right do I have to miss her so much when I don't know such details about her?

Then the other night I was thinking about how fast my kids are growing up, which of course made me think about other kids who grow up fast, which of course made me think of the girls. That would have been OK except I started thinking about how my kids' names would sound at their bar and bat mitzvah when they are called to the Torah. Then I started thinking about the girls' names. Did they have one Hebrew name or two? Caleb has one, but Ellie has two (Calev and Elisheva Noa). Liz would have liked seeing her girls become b'not mitzvah. She was supposed to see that. Why do I get to see both my kids and her kids, but she doesn't get to see even her kids?

Oh, right. She got cancer. And she battled that cancer. And cancer, damn evil disease, won.

Why? Please explain to me how that is right. It isn't right, and not just because I love Liz, and not just because she had a fantastic family. I briefly thought about how someone else maybe should have had cancer instead of her. But who should get cancer, really? It's not like I think I should have been sick instead. I even thought (have I mentioned Ellie nurses for a long time?) that really evil people, people that I hate, should get cancer. That seemed right at first, you know, if I got to be the one doling out things like cancer. But then I realized that just because I thought someone was evil or just because I hated someone didn't mean they should have cancer. First off, I couldn't think of anyone that I really hated. OK, there are certain politicians I really disagree with, but I don't know them personally, so I don't feel like I can really HATE them. But even if I could come up with someone that I thought was evil or that I actually hated, I wouldn't want them to have cancer. Someone must love that person, right? That person has a family or some friends or someone who cares about them. And who does the cancer hurt? Yes, it obviously hurts the person who gets sick from it. But the cancer really ends up hurting those who are left behind. And I don't want to hurt those people, so I can't decide that someone else should have cancer. Really, no one should have cancer. Cancer sucks, plain and simple.

Where does this get me? Nowhere, really. Liz still is gone. I never will find out whether she liked Halloween from her. She won't get to see her daughters become b'not mitzvah. I won't get to know whether she thinks I'm crazy or whether she thinks I'm OK. She didn't get to see the end of the Bush administration and the Obama campaign.

I guess all I can do from here forward is support Evan and his girls. I don't really know how to do that. It isn't like I'm all that available when he needs help, and I can't seem to stay together enough to be useful. I choke up when I see pictures of Liz, even at their house. I choke up when the girls do something that reminds me of Liz - a look, a posture, nothing intentional. I'm sure some therapy would do me a load of good, but why should I be the one who needs therapy? She wasn't my wife, my mother, my daughter, or even my sister. Shouldn't I be done grieving?

When I'm Bigger and Bigger...

2008-11-11T19:13:54Z

Caleb's words to me after yesterday's nap:

"When I'm bigger and bigger and bigger and like THIS BIG (picture hands demonstrating largeness), I going to play football."
Me: "Really? Who are you going to play football for?"
Caleb: Play football for COLTS!
Me (cringing slightly): Not the Pats?
Caleb: NO!!! COLTS!

Hmph. Seems that maybe I should not have told Caleb that a colt is a kind of horse.

On the other hand, he does share a birthday with current Colts QB Peyton Manning. I guided him into a discussion of other things he could do when he was bigger such as being a plumber or a teacher or a doctor. He liked the idea of being a plumber because "I like fixin' pipes!" I will say that his pants do fit like a stereotypical plumber's pants. :)

He then continued to tell me that when he was bigger, he would need to wear "Daddy-size socks." I asked him whether they made Caleb socks in "Daddy size," and he actually rolled his eyes at me as he said "yeeess..."

I may have to be careful about my own eye rolling, not to mention my apparently stupid questions.

A morning in the life of motherhood

2008-11-04T18:55:14Z

This morning was an ordinary morning, but I wanted to share it with you and record it for my own benefit. I suspect I may get selective amnesia as my kids grow up. So here goes:

Sometime around 6am, Caleb the Boy Wonder climbed into our bed to greet me. Aaron the Dear Husband was already shaving and showering. Caleb sat on my hip (I was laying on my side, or should I write lying? I never could get that right). He proceeded to bounce - hard. I groggily suggested that he snuggle rather than bounce. He chose to respond with one of his favorite words, "no!" and bounced a bit more. I responded more firmly, "If you continue to bounce on me, I will throw you off the bed." It was an idle threat since I would never actually throw my kids, but it did get him to stop bouncing and start snuggling. After less than 1 minute of snuggling, I felt small fingers playing with my hair. Sweet, right? No, not when the small fingers decide to test whether said hair is attached. At this point, I moved the Boy Wonder in front of me so I could keep an eye on him. He turned off the radio and fiddled with things on Aaron's night table. He rediscovered Aaron's small stuffed yak/buffalo/critter and joyously reunited with it. Eventually Aaron got out of the shower and dressed. He took on the task of getting Caleb changed for school. I nursed and changed Ellie before getting in the shower.

While I took my shower, Aaron started Caleb's breakfast. Aaron then left to go to a get out the vote "thing" in NH. I realized after getting out of the shower that Aaron had left Caleb unbuckled. That is, Caleb was not buckled in his booster seat. No big deal, I thought, he has Cheerios, and I'm almost dressed. I hollered down the stairs "Caleb, are you OK down there?" largely to let him know that I knew he was down there. He responded, "Yes, I eating Cheerios." Great, all is well. I got dressed and picked Ellie up. I repeated my check-in with Caleb. This time he responded, "Um, yes. I cleaning up." Hmm? Picture a cocked head and raised eyebrow. Caleb likes to pretend to clean, but he sounded distracted. "Honey, what are you cleaning up? Do you need my help cleaning?" "Uh, no. I cleaned up candles." Hmm??? I went downstairs to investigate. "Caleb, would you show me what you cleaned?" He took me into the dining room and pointed to the hutch where I keep a variety of candles. Nothing looked out of order, so I complimented his cleaning.

Then we went into the kitchen where I found an entire box of baby wipes emptied on the kitchen table.

"Caleb, where is the wipee box?" He took me back into the dining room and showed me the box on the table. I'm thinking, "Duh mom, of course the wipees are in the dining room. That's where he put them." I picked up the box to return it to its rightful place in the kitchen.

The box rattled. Upon opening the box, I discovered about 50 Cheerios and some ground pepper. At this point, I noticed our pepper mill on the kitchen table (oops). Fortunately I still had some wipees on the kitchen table which I used to clean up the pepper on the table. I dumped the Cheerios into the trash.

During my cleanup, I know I asked Caleb some conversational questions about why he put Cheerios in the wipes box and what he needed pepper for, and I'm sure I didn't get an answer that made sense to me. The truth is, it doesn't really matter why Caleb decides to add some pepper to his Cheerios and why he thought the wipes box made a better Cheerios container than his cereal bowl. I think what mattered more is that he used his imagination in a relatively non-destructive way and I didn't get mad upon discovering minor chaos in the house.

Kid Update

2008-10-10T18:34:49Z

My friends and family keep asking me "How are you??" as though I have some sort of terminal illness. Thank God, I am healthy. I even seem to be losing a bit of weight very slowly. I often answer how I am by talking about my kids, and some people tell me that I'm not really answering the question. They have a point, but so much of how I'm doing is wrapped up in how the kids are doing. It's awfully hard to have a good day if my kids are having bad days. It's awfully hard to stay grumpy if my kids are cheerful. Anyway, despite my very lengthy blog entry immediately before this one, I thought I would give a more detailed update on the kids before getting to those lingering thank you notes and photos that need uploading.

Caleb is transitioning to the preschool room at his daycare. He seems to be adjusting well while at school and then letting out all of the cumulative stress at home. In other words, we're back to having some rather unpleasant tantrums. Last Sunday, he screamed for an hour before I needed to go teach. He screamed about wanting the shower, not wanting the shower, wanting his bear, not wanting his bear, wanting clothes, not wanting clothes. As far as we could tell, it had NOTHING to do with my imminent departure. We're fairly certain he was overly hungry, but he wouldn't hear of food either. We know this too shall pass. Other than his tantrums, he really is a delight to get to know. He has such definite ideas about how things should be and work. He has decided that watching Curious George is no good anymore and he must watch Thomas the Tank Engine now. He still loves fire trucks and will dress up as a firefighter for Halloween. He has such passion (good and bad) for everything.

Ellie is quite the charmer. She smiles and giggles at everyone, strangers and familiar faces alike. She's still very much a mama's girl, but I can see her starting to test out the idea of being more independent. She tries to roll and is almost there. She sits assisted very nicely. She likes being held so that she can stand on our legs. She also loves to babble, almost incessantly at times. She seems to be trying to warm up her vocal cords with many different pitches and vowel sounds. She recently had her 4 month well visit with the doctor, and all was well there. She has grown to nearly 26 inches tall/long and about 13.5 pounds - long and lean like Caleb. We are starting to introduce oatmeal to her with mixed results. She seems rather indifferent to it, which is fine with me. She'll eat solid food when she is ready.

As for me, I'm generally feeling pretty well. Sure, life is more frantic than ever before. My 2.5 year old son gives me a run for my money most days. I'm lucky to keep up with him and once in a while I even get a step ahead of him. :) My 4 month old daughter is easier going for now, but she too is showing her independence and needs more obviously than before. At the library today, both kids screamed at the same time, and all I could do was take a deep breath. Caleb melted down over perceived injustices at the train table, and Ellie melted down from the sudden appearance of her screaming brother as I removed him from the injustices he had caused. The screamfest was followed by double diaper changes in the library bathroom, which of course meant Caleb had to use the toilet while I changed Ellie's dipe and then got impatient while waiting for me to finish. Just a day in the life, you know? I'm starting to be able to shrug off such craziness even though I want things to flow more smoothly and peacefully. I have a much greater appreciation for the quiet times, like now or on my drives to teach. Eventually, I think life will run a bit more smoothly, and maybe Aaron and I will get to go out again finally. We've been talking about it, but we just can't seem to get our act together. I think we're too busy trying to keep the regular everyday stuff working - laundry, meals, and so on. Despite our frequent scrambling, we do get to enjoy the occasional moment of together time at home. And we are definitely enjoying the crazy ride known as parenting.