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A long overdue post - Grief continued
location: Home
mood: 
lonely
lonelyThanksgiving is coming up this week. I love Thanksgiving. Liz loved Thanksgiving too. I think it was her favorite holiday, or at least it was in the top 5. It's sort of funny that she loved Thanksgiving, given that she didn't eat meat, but I didn't eat meat for several years either and still loved Thanksgiving too. I half-joke that Thanksgiving is about 3 F's - food, football, and family - in that order. Seriously though, it's a great excuse to get together with family, with people you love, and just hang out for the day with some great food. I happen to love watching football too, so that's a bonus.
Liz didn't make it to Thanksgiving last year.
Oh, we all hoped and prayed she would. In fact, most of us thought she would make it that far simply because she loved Thanksgiving so much. Liz used to cook up a storm for Thanksgiving. She made pies, side dishes galore (the best meal is one made completely of sides, by the way). Evan was in charge of the bird. We would bring folding tables to put in their living room upstairs and extra chairs so that we all had a place to sit. Then we would feast and laugh. The meal was long, but it never felt long. It was just a happy chaos. How could Liz leave before enjoying it one more time?
And yet she did.
Last year's Thanksgiving had a somberness to it which felt all wrong and yet required. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a happy holiday, and yet I could bring no cheer to the table. It was the first time I hosted Thanksgiving in our house, and we were in our new house to boot. Aaron's dad and stepmom were there, and it is always lovely to see them. I cooked all of the traditional foods, and Aaron was in charge of the bird. I set a lovely table, if I may say so. But it didn't feel like Thanksgiving.
There was no happy chaos. No kids fighting over toys. No cameras flashing pictures of the bounty and people enjoying one another's company. The meal was short, but it felt long.
This year, we return to Liz's house for Thanksgiving. Liz will not be joining us in body. Maybe she will be there in spirit. I will be looking for her in more than just the pictures and books on the shelves.
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